Last night I ignored my Inner Voice of Wisdom and threw caution and good sense to the wind. The very opposite of the message in my last two blogs! I went down a path of self-indulgence, and paid for it by awaking in the night. Here is the story.
They say “we are what we eat.” They also say, “we are what we think.” Hmm.
At two o’clock I woke up so hungry I thought it was time to get up and have breakfast. This almost always happens to me when I over eat the night before, but I had conveniently forgotten that. And my mind was raring to go, completely awake. The first thing I thought was, “Oh. Oh. I ate a sub and now I feel like one.”
When I say “sub,” I mean submarine sandwich. They are called other names in various places. But this was a foot long turkey submarine sandwich. I rarely eat subs and I cannot remember when I have eaten a foot-long sub. Yes, it was turkey and yes, it was on whole wheat bread. Yes, I also did have green peppers and lettuce, so it was not ALL bad. But I felt awful. Sluggish, weirdly hungry, and miserable. “What WAS I thinking” I asked myself.
Then it occurred to me. Everything I have written about facing the New Year with a new motto of “love, live, and let go” just fell apart. I had ignored what I knew to be true about me. Now, lest you misunderstand, rest assured my husband can eat a foot-long sub and feel great. I am only talking about what I personally can or cannot do. You can do it? Lucky you!
But for me this felt like back to square one in the doing-the-right-thing department. I reminded myself, “it is about progress, not perfection.” Now what? My natural tendency would be to stew or “obsess” as some would say. Great. That means no sleep. Hmm. Maybe this is when I practice the “let go” part.
I had just proven to myself that ignoring one’s Inner Voice of Wisdom usually is not a good thing. Believe me, I did ignore the the wise part of myself. How? When ordering at the counter in Subway, I remember thinking, “I should just get a six incher.” Then, I thought . . . “It is Friday night, time to celebrate and it is early so you can work it off.”
“What size?” the young lady asked. I caved. “I’ll take the foot-long one.”
Thoughts do lead to action! I took my prized indulgence home and I ate the whole thing while mindlessly watching the news. The sub was much more delicious than the news.
Then, well . . . at two in the morning you are stuck with your mess. So, I simply took a deep breath to fill up the hungry feeling in my tummy and said, “Let it go. The best you can do now is learn to let go and welcome the night. You will do no good by lying awake indulging guilt. Just turn it around with a decision to live more wisely tomorrow.” Yes, I actually did say all that to myself! And it helped.
I also remembered that to let go would mean to be present in this moment when the night was still offering a chance to sleep. I drifted off to dream land. And dream I did.
Apparently food and failure was on my mind because in dream land I had apparently forgotten there was a group of kids coming to my house for dinner and so I was frantically looking through my cupboards to find something for them to eat! (Don’t tell me that dreams have absolutely no meaning.)
You see, I have been thinking a lot this week about how much I believe in helping parents nourish their own souls so that they can leave a legacy of love and wisdom to their children. I want all children to be fed both literally and spiritually in ways that honor their unique gifts.
So between eating something that was not right for me (and I knew it) and understanding the value of nourishing our children in ways we tend to neglect due to the pressures of life, my dream world was scrambling to make sense.
When we compromise our values we usually feel it, even if we choose to ignore it. In my night dream I did find a way to feed those children both physical and spiritual food. I made spaghetti for their stomachs and I even found a book to read to them by Max Lucado, titled You Are Special for their souls. It was only a dream. Yet it healed me. I felt more aligned. By the way, I had actually used that book in my last moms’ retreat!
So, embedded in this experience, my values got a voice and I was reminded to pay attention to what our bodies and minds are telling us by how they react, but most of all to listen to our Inner Voice, our Soul’s Voice. When body, mind and soul are in alignment we make great things happen. When not, we do well to observe our mistakes, learn from them, and let go. It is better for everyone, most of all our children!