Dear TSJ Friends,
There were so many things swirling in my mind about writing my blog letter today that I reached an impasse. I almost decided not to write one.
As frequently happens to me in life, when I listened to my own thoughts and hearing other people’s voices in my head – all clamoring for attention- about whether to write or not – I discovered a very real tension of “on the-one-hand – or on-the-other hand” thinking.
Can you relate? Do you ever over-think things on the one hand and yet say or do something impulsive on the other? In so many ways we get confused and cancel ourselves out (or nix our dreams and ambitions). Confusion leads to inaction at best and impotence at worst.
Without becoming too philosophical, allow me indulge some of my journey as a TSJ blogger. It is one way I can reveal some inside-out sharing. Step inside my mind and here is what goes on when I think about sharing with you:
I want to write things of significance which may include thought provoking tidbits of information and wisdom mixed with intellectually satisfying content as well as reflections to comfort, encourage and calm our distractible minds and divided hearts. I want to be brave and vulnerable yet be wise and discerning. I want to use a good economy of words yet tell stories and reflect on big ideas that are not easily packaged in small containers (like short blogs). I want to openly talk about God and the scriptures that inspire me over and over yet respect individual beliefs and personal journeys. I want to be able to voice my own thoughts and beliefs but equally focus on things that are universally significant.
Can you hear the tension in my desires and the gap I feel between my desires and my output? This, dear TSJ readers, is where coaches do their work with us. It is in the gap of what is and what we want that unnecessary suffering happens most. Bridging that gap is also the work we do with each other when we follow the philosophy that a journey shared is a journey spared of many of our self-created “rabbit holes” that hurl us down into dark thoughts.
You who have followed my Wednesday musings for the last few years have taught me so much. You have also endured my mixed messages. One day I speak out in the attempt to “dare greatly” and another day I understand to do so does call for wisdom and discernment when it comes to sharing our raw stories, knowing there are many perspectives of the same story.
Subscribers have occasionally received apology follow up emails in an effort for me to lean into my belief that we learn from others through their mistakes as well as their successes. But I fear at times my own mixed messages are confusing to readers. I also admit I face the inner torment that can come from being highly vulnerable-especially on the internet.
So “what is a [senior] girl to do?” Should I bury my head in the sand or should I play in the sand?
As I talked this over with Mr. John and listened to Solomon (our wizened sheep) and Sigmund (our consultant analyst) I had a burst of insight.
I declared out loud, “That’s it! My blog is my sandbox! I should play in the sand!”
Before I say more about the sandbox idea, I want you to notice that the moment that idea came to me my spirit immediately lifted and my attitude changed. How often have I blogged about the power of thought? Often. Here is an example of it! Like the rudder of a ship it changed my ability to manage the waves and head for home (my heart).
Playing in the sand is a way of saying we use what we have to build and rebuild. We actually can use most any tool at hand… a spoon, cup, pail, shovel, objects of all kinds…to create and create and …recreate. And we do so knowing full well that wind, rain, other people, sometimes bullies as well as innocent children will topple our creation and challenge our resilience.
But a sand box is for play and I love being playful. That is why Solomon, SJ and Sigmund are part of the my blog letters!
My way of being with people in general is to express ideas knowing full well that many of them, like sand, need to be reformed many times before becoming more permanent and less easily deconstructed. That is why I need and love your emails. Thank you very much.
So, that is it! Solomon and I want you to know we are so happy that you join us each week to play in our sandbox of ideas. After all there is only One who Knows and is always Present to what we need. The Chief Shepherd. We just have to show up and play in the sand.
Your life is your sandbox! I know life is filled with dilemmas! But it helps to keep in mind that we can still find help from God and each other so we can create an inner space of peace and playfulness. I am so thankful I landed on a thought that broke my impasse. I hope it helps you in your life too. Perhaps we learn best when we play together.
Solomon agrees.
