Fire Your Inner Critic * Hire Your Inner Coach!
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This article is about really big things. . . our thoughts.
It is also about really small things. . . our thoughts.
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Before you rush on, I invite you to take a moment to notice… just notice.. your thoughts.
What are “small” thoughts vs.”big” thoughts? Small thoughts are victim thoughts that rob our energy. Big thoughts are freeing and transforming.
Some of us are prone to being super critical of ourselves and slip into thinking small thoughts about ourselves without realizing their devastating affects on our lives. Sometimes experiences and messages from our past are like invisible prison guards that keep us thinking small about ourselves. Small thoughts tend to be our “default” position.
I now rigorously ask myself, “Is this a condemning, blaming or shaming (small) thought or is this a solution-focused, curious (big) thought”? How we think affects how we feel and act.
Repeated thoughts become beliefs and habits; they form a kind of brain groove. But research says our thoughts can be rerouted! (Kind of like traffic patterns on a highway under construction.)
[I feel a slight digression is important here to remind you that tired and overwhelmed parents’ brains…. will go into default at times! That is okay! Just notice and be as kind to yourself as you can.] Okay, back to the article…
I don’t know about you, but I do not like to see myself as a victim of anything. That word conjures up images of such things as whining, helplessness and blaming. I see those things in people that are hard to be around.
However, I am now aware of my own deeply entrenched and often subtle “victim” thinking. My soul has spoken its desire for freedom. I am listening. I started noticing how many “small” thoughts hijack my dreams and happiness. My own victim-like thoughts go something like this:
“Others are more talented, smarter, more expert, more attractive. Others know so much more and have higher degrees, greater intellects, are funnier, younger and more likable. Who do you think you are?” blah…blah
Yours will sound different . . . but I am sure you get the idea!
Small thoughts get trapped in our bodies . . . tense jaws, tight shoulders, stomach aches, heart burn . . .
Small thoughts rule our lives far too often!
It took me awhile to realize I am totally responsible for the feeding and care of such thoughts. They were so natural that I did not realize it.
Two ideas popped into my mind that help, even if hard to do:
FIRE your (Inner) Critic ~ Starve your small-thought dragon!
Since we are the CEO’s of our own brain, we have the power to fire our inner critic. But just as when an employee is fired there is a spot needing to be filled, the same is true for changing our thinking. Nature abhors a vacuum and since habits are hard to release, the familiar Critic is ready with all his/her gremlin reinforcements to rush back in unless . . . you . . .
HIRE Your (Inner) Coach! ~ Feed the warrior in you!
A coach handles challenges and mistakes differently. Instead of asking demeaning and condemning questions, the coach approach is about thinking bigger. It is about learning to take responsibility for our thoughts as preprogrammed as they may be, and realizing we either feed our dragons or our warriors. One is out to get you and one is out to assist you.
So, to replace the critic, your inner coach questions and reflections need to be more like this:
“I am not created to live others’ lives, only my own! I do not have to live under the tyranny of fear of other peoples’ opinions. What am I doing that is working? Not working? What am I not doing? Or, why did this strategy not work and what needs tweaking?”
The value of becoming self-aware regarding your inner critic is that you will really see how it affects what you do. Thoughts are powerful propellers of action. Notice if you think about something funny, how much better you feel! In fact, you cannot be fully angry and laugh at the same moment.
Most of our victim thoughts were learned in childhood. Parents and teachers inadvertently feed the small – thought dragon. We parents tend to remind kids of their foibles and their failures (“You never listen to me or you always leave the door open!”) or we subtly speak negative messages like, “She is my difficult one” to friends and/or family members and they often overhear us.
It is easy to hold our kids’ future hostage to their mistakes of today. (Often we do secretly fear that they will grow up to do bad things if we don’t stop them.) But as parents, we more often hold ourselves hostage to our mistakes. Either way, we can change the pattern.
Yes, there is Good News! No matter our age, we CAN change our thought patterns over time and find our personal power.
So, let’s not feed the small -thought dragon. Fire the Critic and Hire the Inner Coach for a full time position. The results are worth the risk.
Of course hiring a professionally trained personall life coach is a great idea too when the journey gets tough! I have one and am one!
Remember, Feel free to connect on my Contact page. I look forward to hearing from you!