Yesterday was cold again and for some reason instead of using my own treadmill or going outside, I decided to go the the fitness center for my work out. In the women’s dressing room there sits a very large set of white scales. So large, in fact, that they called out to me. No one was around so in my stocking feet, I stepped on. It should be noted that the numbers are also huge on these scales, leaving no room for reader error. My reaction? This picture tells it all. 
Admittedly of late I have noticed my clothes are shrinking and my waistline is thickening. In my own defense, I did resume more disciplined and rigorous exercise. What I did not do was weigh myself. I had avoided it for about seven weeks. I have gained eight pounds in that amount of time…
As much as I would have loved to blame the scales (even smash them)
and my brain tried to protect my ego with a sudden influx of defenses about how tough life has been lately with my husband facing some health issues, with winter dragging on etc. the numbers spoke a certain truth. Oh how clever and self-deceiving our brain can be. Honestly, my heart knew all along. I just did not listen. I practiced the avoidance technique.
The unadorned truth is that I have not gained eight pounds of muscle. Nope. I had consumed too many calories and eaten too much “comfort food.” The problem with comfort food is like any other addiction. It is an external answer to a spiritual/emotional challenge. What starts out as comfort so soon becomes discomfort, whether it is food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, or a host of other things including a perfectly clean house, the highest grade etc.
This for me is a wonderful opportunity to relearn a life lesson. People share with me all of the time how they avoid successful people when they have failed, avoid church when they feel vulnerable, and avoid friends, ministers, therapists, and coaches when they do not want to cry or feel shame. We avoid the very things designed to help us.
We so often do not listen to the quiet nudges of our hearts just as I did not get on the scales to keep myself honest. But we know. And then one day the naked truth must be faced and forgiven.
What helps? For starters, I got on the scales because I was in a more merciful frame of mind than I had been (my coach is helping me a lot) and was ready to be honest.
I think change comes not only with self-awareness, but also with compassion.
We are best able to invite wonder and mystery and miracle into our lives when we are in a state of letting go of judgment, resistance, and rigidity. Then the current of love and faith can carry us to more solid ground. We can face our full humanity with forgiveness and love.
One more thing. The numbers and the scale were neutral. They reflected simple truth about the moment. No judgment. Just what is.
Have you noticed that when a ray of sunshine waltzes into your home you see dust and fingerprints you had missed in your cleaning? The sun is not condemning. It is revealing.
My weight was revealed for what it is, not for who I am.
I believe that standing in the presence of God is like the sun. It is revealing. Against such pure Love we see our flaws. But, there is also a major difference. God’s Love not only reveals but it also heals what is out of harmony within us. It is my favorite mystery to ponder.
Meanwhile, a dose of awareness and compassion have kicked in and I am on my way back to the fitness center!