Have you noticed that children feel things deeply and often follow the impulse to express those feelings? Do you remember when you were young and bursting with life? Did a parent or teacher or minister ever say something to squelch your fervor?
Today’s article is another personal story. The picture below captures the essence of the entire story that took place when I was seven and a half .. . and on a day when it felt to me like the “sky was the limit.” 
Last month I wrote about Halloween right after my seventh birthday. This month’s story is the following summer. By that time my mom (a petite woman) had gained literally one hundred pounds and was nearly ready to deliver my twin brother and sister who were full-term babies, each weighing around 7 pounds. She was not feeling well! Of course I did not understand all of that . . .
It was a rare privilege to go outside and play with my big brother. But my mom wanted to take a nap and for some reason she let me play outside. I was ecstatic! I loved being outside. I loved to run, climb, and play full-out. But climbing was my specialty. So, I climbed a climb that I will never forget.
Just outside our parents’ bedroom window was a large oil tank that got filled to heat our home. Feeling not only free and full of life, I was also bursting with love for God. Being brought up in the church, I had heard and memorized lots of scripture verses. So I got the bright idea to climb on the oil tank and as I stood tall with arms outstretched, I called out with my whole might, “Thou shalt love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, and your strength.”
A surge of power ran through my young veins. I almost felt like I could fly. Maybe it was similar to how my grandson feels when he imagines himself to be a super hero. Amazing. In fact so amazing that many decades later I remember the feeling with relish. I was so happy and carefree. Until … my weary and outrageously angry mother came out the door.
I never did that again! My voice was quickly squelched. She told me I was wrong for pretending to be like Jesus or God. “Who do you think you are…?” she repeated angrily as she punished me. Tearfully, I went to my room and sincerely asked God to forgive me.
Now to be fair, my mom was genuinely concerned, as expressed by her language of fear and condemnation and it caught her at a bad moment. We can tell our underlying beliefs by listening to what we say when in crisis or highly stressed. Sadly though, I internalized her message and added it to the accumulation of other fear-based messages that said I was bad.
Part of maturing involves becoming more aware of our unconscious stories and/or beliefs. In a way, it is how we can learn to re-parent ourselves. For example, we can observe our words . . . both in how we talk to ourselves and to others. Language is a portal to our subconscious minds (the programmed part of our brains.)
I have been increasingly aware of how often we live in murky and unnecessary suffering created by the clutter of critical thoughts and beliefs. We believe those angry internal voices that limit us and derail us from living the lives we were created to live. We cheat ourselves out of the inherent joy and richness of the present.
I think we often long for inner contentment. But we feel anxiety and tension. And we know that our emotional states are contagious in our families. That is why it is important for us to know ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness. It is the first step toward becoming the powerful influence for good that we wish for our children.
Did you notice the root word in contentment? It is “content.” It is the content of our hearts and minds that determines our state of angst or contentment. Often we need to update our beliefs rather than allowing them to silence our passion for what is good, true, and beautiful.
At my Core (soul level) I am still that girl that blurted out a message of Love.
At our annual retreat last weekend, I touched that incredible and sacred place once again, that place of deep joy and contentment I felt on that oil tank so long ago. Our group explored new levels of awareness of how our brains trick us into becoming derailed or off center and ways we can step back into the Present and Presence of Love. I am deeply grateful.
PS ~ My Inner Critic scrounged around looking for food and found none. I remain “on top of the world.”