What Will Our Kids Remember?
This next weekend is Mother’s Day. And I don’t know if it is just me, but I have very mixed emotions about Mother’s Day. More on that in a minute.
Yesterday was my mom’s birthday and Sunday was dad’s. Although they have been gone several years, this week always calls them to mind.
Having a birthday close to Mother’s Day was seemingly good for my mother as she was always happiest at those times and as the old saying goes, “when mama was happy…we were.” Truthfully, she reveled in such events.
So I have been wondering, why do we remember what we do?
Sometimes timeless truths and woolly wisdom come from our stories. At least that is what Solomon tells me.
Here is one of my favorite memories about mom and celebrations….
It was mom’s birthday and we were a farm family. Our parents were always tired and justifiably so (although I did not understand that as a child). Good times away from feeding and caring for animals, crops, gardens, and kids were rare.
But we celebrated birthdays almost religiously. Perhaps it would be safe to say that my family was conservative in most ways and very traditional in values. And birthdays were the one day you could count on mom making sure you were happy. And you knew to return the favor on hers.
On this birthday of note, I do not remember exactly how old I was but I think about twelve. After finishing the meal at the kitchen table, my dad removed the food and dirty plates to prepare for cake and presents (which were waiting on the other side of the door behind my mother’s seat, in our back room designed for farmer’s boots and coats etc.)
He continued the ritual and went out the door. He came back carrying the fully lit cake. He started us all singing “Happy Birthday” but something was odd–boyish, playful, or sheepish, about the expression on dad’s face. We could see why, but mom could not…
He set the good side of the cake down in front of her. We tried to stifle giggles. I watched dad’s face anticipating her response. Dad had forgotten that Spot, our dog, was in the back room and this cake was just too much for him to resist. He had eaten about a third. Whew, mom laughed heartily! And joy abounded.
Thank God for Spot who, like Solomon here at TSJ, reminded us that perfection is an illusion and depends on perspective anyway. Solomon says we try too hard to control things.
Strangely, remembering that silly birthday story this week helped me think about Mother’s Day in a new, more relaxed way….
A timeless truth is that humor and laughter slide open the stuck doors to the sunroom of our hearts where light lifts the spirit.
You see, I have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day because it often is filled with “shoulds” or “should want to” at a time of year that is relentlessly busy for many people. And as an older mom, I feel that attention given me “should” be to our busy mom-daughters.
And as a child and daughter, I had a pile of “should want to” feelings that always smacked me in the face at the card counter on her birthday and Mother’s Day. Some of you can understand what I am saying here.
I really did want things to be different and was still too young to see that imperfection just may be the most fertile soil for personal and spiritual development!
But on the day that Spot ate part of her cake and she laughed, that experience filled our senses and our hearts with a memory for life. And it became good story for all of us, now including you… to reflect on.
Back to our questions . . .
What will our children likely remember?
Simply put our children will likely remember:
- What is predictable, dependable, characteristic for how we shepherd them
- Things that are imperfect, off beat, different from the norm
- Personal experiences, what they see, touch, taste, and smell that determine how they feel
- The quality of our relationship with them
Why is it good to celebrate Mother’s Day?
It pries open the door of gratitude and offers a chance to self-reflect and keep on improving the world in our own ways from the lessons we can choose to water that will grow out of the ground of our apparent mperfection.
Happy Mother’s Day.