Greetings TSJ Friends and Fans,
Have you ever built a castle or creature in the sand while on the beach only to have it washed away or kicked over before you got to show it off?
Have you ever had one of those days when you woke up feeling blah for no apparent reason? Have you ever noticed that in a given hour your mental attitude can shift notably from either negative to positive – or worse – from positive to negative? Does it often feel irrational because, after all, it was one little statement from someone or a passing look that sent your mind reeling.
If so, you are in good company. The good news is it means you are likely one who is aware of your inner complicated network of feelings.
Awareness is a seed for change.
Sometimes when I feel the waxing and waning of emotions I find it helpful to remember that knowledge and wisdom are more reliable as friends than our fleeting feelings, though feelings are important warnings.
Like sand on a beach, emotions are not reliable for building a lasting sculpture of character. Tides swell and recede as do waves that wash away your work in an instant. Or maybe someone comes along and kicks it over. Either way, your work of art collapses.
Some of you may not experience or be keenly aware of your shifting emotions or understand that in others. We are all wired differently that way. Not everyone worries about minor mistakes they make or what others think – beyond what is a healthy social awareness. Our emotional barometers vary widely.
But it seems to me our differences in perceptions, awareness and processing are what make us interesting and colorful like a garden in bloom. And equally worthy of our attention.
Everyday I wonder, “What is is like to be in his or her skin?”
Speaking of our differences, are you often curious what makes us tick?
As a life coach, I delight in understanding human behavior and the underlying causes that influence it and it points to the value of learning more about our brain. This three pound muscle tucked in our skulls controls most of our behavior. And even small damage in one part or other of the brain causes havoc in some aspect of our thoughts and actions. So much of what we say and do is from this complex command center – unseen – and beneath our conscious control.
I wonder. . . Are you curious about what is conscious and what is unconscious? Do you ask yourself, “why do I believe this but I just said or did that?” And do you know that even that which we think is a conscious decision really depends on unconscious processes to make it happen.
Do you ponder . . . How culpable are we for our behavior when there is a brain disease such as a tumor, a stroke or Alzheimers or – even worse- frontotemporal dementia – as well as other less well known diseases that affect brain or brain chemistry that clearly alter behavior?
Admittedly, seeking knowledge and understanding can be frustrating as it means facing professional disagreements, a paucity of good answers, and plenty of ignorance and arrogance. But the research being done and things being learned are amazing.
So we must persistently seek knowledge and wisdom to sustain us when we are at the mercy of feelings we do not understand or want.
Solomon seems to keep reminding me there are many ways to be wise but a combination of knowledge, experience, and wonder will keep us humble and seeking growth.
With that in mind, I keep discovering that gaining tidbits of knowledge about the human mind builds a stronger foundation for the bad days than my fleeting feelings. The more I learn the easier it is to . . .
be more loving and less defensive when attacked,
to be more compassionate with those who seem to be making awful decisions or who have addictions that are clearly altering their thinking (which is most of us…in some form or other),
and more patient when people want to change, but slip into old patterns.
We will never know enough to solve all of our human problems. What I hope is we find the strength and wisdom to put compassion into action and discover how to love more like God Loves, even when our feelings distract us or cloud our joy.
We can honestly do great (or at least good) things right here and right now. And it won’t always feel great. But like an old campfire song I learned as a child says, “It only takes a spark to get a fire going. That’s how it is with God’s love.” Sometimes action resets our feelings like a small spark can start a fire to warm us.
And sometimes not, of course. The unreliable sands of emotions can be like wet cardboard. At times, we are forced to choose another kindling to get that fire going. Sometimes we have to look around for good kindling (Good books, quiet time, friends, nature etc.) to warm our hearts and sooth our souls.
Sometimes we just have to re-discover that right here and right now is the right time to do one right thing “just because.”
Solomon and I hope you are playing in the sand today. And if not feeling the spark of play… just do one thing to ignite a sense of well being for yourself or someone in need.
