Dear TSJ Peeps,
Do you ever find yourself thinking about things you cannot see but they sure are real to you?
I find myself thinking all the time about things I cannot see nor understand.
That means I spend time thinking about the interior world of us humans. You know – things like our psyches, spirits, emotions, beliefs, experiences, perceptions, heartaches, suffering, joys and hopes etc.
It also means I think about people I can no longer see on “the other sided.” And it means I sometimes cling to memories and things they left behind. That includes pictures, favored objects, clothing, writing and recordings of their voices. And as most of you know there is a certain bench that has left behind memories of Tom for me.
The last couple of days I have followed what has become a habitual pattern of looking for “the bench” when I open the blinds in the morning. I have written about the bench before that is directly behind my home to remind me of my Tom….the Boy Scout… and one who genuinely wanted me to be happy more than most anything else.
But of late I cannot see the bench. Oh …. it is there… but I cannot see it. What greets me now are signs of new life, new growth and the frogs, birds and geese are loudly singing their songs of happiness and new births. Yes, the bench is now behind the new growth.
You see, spring has arrived and here in upstate NY. That means the grass is green, the limbs are weighted with leaves, flowers are smiling, and new life is springing up everywhere. And it hides the bench.
Please understand, I know the bench is not Tom. In fact the bench is not particularly beautiful. But it has a forever place in my life and my memory. After all, it represents a wonderful marriage and a dream that he had for me to be able to move here.
But when I first realized I would not be able to see it through the trees… all of which are beautiful… I honestly felt sad. The bench has almost been like a compass for me always showing me where north is. Seeing it there – reminding me of good times with him and our children, family and friends – has comforted me.
But like new growth that comes with spring, I am developing new dreams, a new relationship (a widower and church friend who really liked Tom and whose name is John), new ideas for TSJ, along with new joys and challenges.
Solomon thought it was time to openly share this with TSJ readers.
Admittedly, sometimes I feel weighted (a bit like the tree limbs with so many new leaves hanging low when wet) -by how new things and this new relationship in my life affects others who have known and loved Tom. To say nothing of my own orientation in life! Other times, I am filled with awe, wonder, joy, and great happiness.
Thus, I hold apparently opposite emotions in my heart a lot lately. And we all do. I long for divine wisdom, comfort, ease, happiness and peace. This is not a new longing for me.
I also often long for the familiar. For a comfort zone. But I am learning that life is not about staying in a comfort zone.
Life is about new growth, birthing new ideas and new relationships. And it takes work and it is a process, not an event. It requires a degree of surrender and faith any time we take on new projects, visions, personal dreams, or relationships!
So I seek God’s grace, guidance and wisdom more earnestly in times of transition. Transitions are inevitable for all of us. That is why I love coaching people in times of transition as they cause interior upheaval even if they are happy transitions. But transitions are not usually easy.
I confess that I have kept all his wishes except for one… that I stop worrying so much about things. I guess that one is in God’s hands. Tom encouraged me and made me laugh. Tom reminded me to keep on giving the world the message of love and he really liked TSJ and Solomon- especially when Solomon talked about him.
So through the new growth, I will make my way to the bench. It is a good place where memories and meaning emerge to bring faith, hope and love to all around us .
I will pray for all of you. I believe that every experience we have in life is an opportunity to love and be loved by the Source of Love and Life itself. And that we all have only this moment now to live full-out as the unique persons we were designed to be.
And just maybe while sitting still on the bench I will entertain new visions for all of us and hear Tom’s soft message to keep spreading my love for people because that is what Solomon wants me to do with my life.
Enjoy the lush new life around you and walk to a bench of quietness in your heart to find strength today.
Margie
PS… I am enjoying doing my coaching practice again and reminding you to contact me if you would like a booster shot of encouragement. We can do phone sessions or in person sessions if you are local.