Hello TSJ Peeps . . .
The other night I had difficulty going to sleep. I think I had consumed too much caffeine earlier. So I decided to use the quietness of the night to talk with God. To my own surprise, the fist thing I asked was, “Do you love me?”
It reminds me a bit of childhood days when we plucked a daisy saying, “He loves me; he loves me not.” But this was more soulful than that.
It came to me in the same haunting refrain soulfully sung by Tevye in the musical-drama, Fidder on the Roof, when he sang to his wife of twenty-five years.
You may rememberTevye as he sings about “tradition” as something that keeps his people going despite suffering. He sang about desperately trying to uphold his Jewish culture and its traditions. He faced many challenges such as poverty, getting an edict from the Czar to leave their small but beloved town of Anateveka, and being father to five girls, three of whom are begging him to let them choose their own husbands.
It seems that as he watched his beautiful daughters grow up and fall in love he found himself wondering about his own marriage. Perhaps he even wondered what it means to be in love. His marriage had been chosen for him. Anyhow, he woefully sang to his wife, Golde , “Do you Love Me?”
Perhaps you can hear the tune in your head. That is what I sang to God in my mind the night I was awake. In Golde’s case, she her answer to her husband’s “Do you love me?” was a sharp, incredulous, “Do I What?” as though it was the most ridiculous question ever.
The same woeful question has likely been sung by many, if not most of us, at some time or another.
The other night, what I heard in my mind, however, was a much gentler answer. The answer was, “We have been through this before, dear Margie.”
I did not hear a real voice nor see a great light. The inner voice seemed to say, “Now Let’s review some things again. How do I show you my love?” Gulp. It is endless. My spirit settled.
In Fiddler on the Roof, Golde came back with a list of what she has done day after day for Tevye. All good things, but she sidestepped the answer he longed to hear. And what a list she gave. He kept repeating the question and became increasingly vulnerable as he did so. He even told her how scared he was when they married. She admitted the same feelings. They go back and forth as she seems to miss the depth of his cry. You want her say, “Of course I love you!”
It is an imperfect parallel I am drawing here, but what happened between God and me the other night was similar. The answering part of my mind flooded with vivid memories of many marvelous acts of God’s love and grace, even a zillion mini-miracles – from years long past to the very moment of my latest breath. It was as if God was saying, “Look what I do for you. Of course I love you.!”
I believe we all have experienced powerful reassurances of the Chief Shepherd’s Love – through people, scriptures, music, art, nature and daily experiences filled with forgiveness, mercy and grace. But sometimes we need to hear it again…. as did Tevye and Golde. In the end they essentially agreed that even, “After twenty-five years together it is nice to know.” Remembering we are loved doesn’t necessarily change circumstances, but it changes us. It makes ordinary days extraordinary.
As in Fiddler on the Roof, we all are faced with lots of challenges that encroach on our sense of well being, safety, faith, and hope. We have our doubts. We fear “He loves me not…”
As TSJ peeps. you know the answer to our soulful cry, “Do you love me, God?” The answer echoes down through the ages, “I AM the same yesterday, today and forever. Of course I love you.”
“The boys” (Solomon and SJ) and Mr. John and I love you peeps. It is our resolve to practice cultivating many ways to show that the Chief Shepherd Loves us all. And remember the song that was in our wedding that declared our love is “Only a Shadow ” of His Love.
Margie and Solomon
