Dear TSJ Peeps,
Have you ever heard yourself moan or cry for help deep within the depths of your being? I imagine most everyone has done so, but especially parents.
I happen to really, really like the musical, “The Sound of Music.” One day I was telling Mr. John how much I like it and that it is my niece Megan’s favorite as well. He lit up and suggested we see it again together with a smug look (not unlike our Solomon), adding, “I actually got to meet Maria and the vonTrapp family!” And we saw it again, together once and again at Christmas time with Megan and family. What a story!
Perhaps you who are faithful readers have observed that Solomon and I keep writing about the power of story and how it has different meaning and impact on us at different stages of life.
As most of you know, I am aging and reviewing life, retelling my own stories, re-reading Bible stories, enjoying new literature with my wonderful book group and with John, and am repeatedly moved by the power of story for teaching and learning. And I want to share them with you, “my TSJ peeps.” Right now I am on the parenting theme again and rediscovering that parenting stories are also universal and ageless! As are all the feelings that go with them.
When we become parents or parental figures most of us start with love, hope, and a vision of their future success, as well as of how well we will parent. We are going to be the best. Our children will feel safe, confident, appreciate us, respect us, have opportunities we did not have and will be happy, healthy and influential in the world. The paintbrush of our dreams for them and us makes a broad, beautiful, bright and multicolored sweep across our hearts and minds.
Until . . . we, like Maria, suddenly stand at that formidable gate of reality awaiting us.
Perhaps you remember the scene in the movie where Maria (Julie Andrews) has been sent off to be a governess at the mansion of Captain vonTrapp (Christopher Plummer) who is a widower … “a captain with seven children…what could be so fearsome about that?”
Great question and positive self-talk helped….
“I must stop all these doubts, all these worries….” Have you ever vowed that?
Maria cheerfully sings what she already knows to be true . . . , what she IS confident about… but with just a hint of awareness creeping in ..“I have confidence in sunshine…I have confidence in rain…I have confidence that spring will come again..”
Gulp. “Oh help!”
One more try, “I have confidence in confidence alone. Besides what you see, I have confidence in me!”
This may not be the exact order but you get the idea. And oh the journey she had ahead.
It was not an easy road. It never really is.
But Maria was a good listener and encourager. Of course it was a movie and might tempt us to be lulled by its highly idealized sense of love and parenthood and cause some feelings of personal inadequacy. Still, we can learn from it. And one thing to remember is to have confidence and courage.
A few weeks ago John and I were shopping in a Target store when we heard the wails of one very, very distraught child. If we had not seen the kind patience of the mother standing by the little girl, we would have assumed the child was being beaten. There is not a person who walked by that aisle who didn’t feel very sorry for the mom. The aisle had been cleared. Everyone simply walked by. The child indeed was flooded with feeling and out of control. But mom remained present for safety and practiced self-control. I admired her.
Admittedly I do not know the whole story. Neither I nor anyone attempted to interfere. And the tantrum (if that is what it was) shortly stopped. And I was very pleased to hear sympathetic comments from those around us who walked by and even more pleased that no one said, “If that were my kid I would…”
But for me, while it was a reminder of just how challenging the role of parenting can be, it also reminded me that the child in me (and all of us) needs the same quiet Presence of God as Shepherd when I (we) wail within or out loud. We too get out of control and lose perspective.
So just for today…
Solomon suggests we pause and remember – there will be sun and rain – but spring will come again. Solomon also asked me to share with you some reminders for your parenting journey:
*Remember what you should “fear most is fear itself”.
* Maria is right that confidence in confidence itself is a great (happy) place to start.
* In spite of what things look like or “what you see” the one thing you must believe is you need confidence in being you. You are the gift of gifts to your children – throughout life.
These little reminders can reignite our courage.
We need courage every day to be honest, to be kind, to be patient, to listen and to get help and rest so we can shepherd our children for physical and emotional safety.
Our children need . . . freedom to explore and discover who they are and learn from mistakes while being guided and protected by our moral, spiritual and cultural values.
All of us need what one author says this way . . . “Deeply seated within each of us is a longing to be known and understood. This makes understanding powerful in supporting healthy relationships.” (P.73 from Pro-Active Parent Coaching,2011) by Gregory Bland.
Happy Shepherding!
Margie and Solomon with lots of love and encouragement from Mr. John
