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Dear TSJ Friends ~
Making change is hard! And I am not talking about working at an automated cash register. It is hard for us to change our minds and our behaviors.
Nearly everywhere I turn it seems people are horrendously busy, and unable to shift 
perspectives on problems and challenges. We get stuck in certain thought or reactive patterns of behavior. We often want to change. But how can we?
Many anxious people almost hate themselves. They tell me that they find themselves falling into patterns of blaming and judging others (husbands, wives, children, managers, colleagues etc.). Then they turn on themselves and feel inadequate, shameful, unkind, unspiritual and powerless. They often fall deeply into comparisons and jealousy. They are convinced that the ones they are envious of really do ” have it all together.” In my experience women are particularly vulnerable to thinking ill of their body and lack of ability.
As a life coach, mentor or friend, I am finding myself becoming increasingly aware of how troublesome this is for everyone – not just for the anxious one but for those who love them.
I have written about the importance of awareness and living mindfully and consciously as a first step toward change.
But somehow that seems to sound pedestrian and unhelpful more often than not.
Increasingly I have longed for practical answers. Actually more for others than myself. Though I too suffer with the same dis-ease with myself and am always desirous of personal growth.
But people want clear cut strategies to try.! People want to know how to be better.. . how to be better parents, better teachers, better people. Yet they continually disappoint themselves and when I listen I hear them be very, very self critical.
I have heard myself offer simplistic things like, “Be kind to yourself.” But people ask, what does that really mean. What does it look like? There has got to be a way.
That reminds me of how Winnnie-the- Pooh likely felt one morning when, as usual, Christopher Robin came down the stairs dragging Pooh along going bumpity, bump, bump on each stair as he did every morning.
But one day Pooh began to think, “there has to be a better way.” What would that look like?
So in starting this blog post I ran into a big mental block of my own. That is honest. I cannot for the life of me give you a list of fail proof “how to change” strategies.
That may be our first strategy right there. Believing there is an alternative way. Maybe the primary ingredient to a recipe for change along with desire for change is to believe in possibility for change.
Now I am plumb out of strategies!
I believe that changing is a process. There is no clear cut recipe for changing mindsets. Or if there is, I have yet to discover it. But as with food, there are usually a few basic ingredients we start with,
So, here are some basic ingredients to effect change.
1. Change takes time. I am in my seventies and see that changes are coming but they certainly do take time! Some old wounds that hinder us are deeper than others. And that is ok.
2. Change takes patience. In equal measure to time. This is where you can speak kindly to yourself. No one masters much of anything, quickly. Be patient with yourself.
3. Change takes practice. New ways of thinking take practice even though we may cognitively “know” what we need to do. We learn by doing. We easily can fall back into what we have always done, We repeatedly tumble down into our own private “rabbit holes” and crawl our way back up toward the light. The good news is our rabbit holes fill in over time and so we don’t fall quite so far down.
4. Change takes repetition – read scriptures, poetry, success stories. See a coach or therapist or attend groups that reinforce what you are learning.
5. Change requires good models. We learn by watching others.
6.Change takes creativity. When you are patient with yourself and when you believe in the process of improvement you can more easily tap into your own unique creative and enjoyable ways to become what you see possible.
7. Change requires inspiration. It often comes in surprising ways. Something often “clicks” with us when we listen to music or play an instrument, sing a song or write a note to someone. It is those “ah ha” moments that are often the catalyst for personal growth.
8. Change takes courage. Courage is a matter of the heart. So …
9. Change takes encouragement from others. We need people we trust in our lives to listen and hold a mirror before us that shows us our deepest beauty. God created us as beautiful and pleasing creatures.
10. Change takes Love. Divine love. Remember as Solomon always says, “you know how to love because God first Loved you,”
Let’s at least start by truly believing there is always another way.
Happy practicing!
Solomon and Margie
