Happy Wednesday, Dear TSJ Friends!
Today Solomon and I are peeking in to your emails to chat about simple ideas and facts about us humans that may entice you or motivate you to do things that linger on your “I should” list of things to do.
I mean the things that would not take much time and they are not awful (like cleaning out a garage or basement might be) but that are more easily doable.
Remember, I am on a “doable” kick to think small and start with small steps because that can lead to discovering the power of motivation and momentum for big things.
But we must allow ourselves each day to start with what is doable now.
And just maybe, if you are like me, when you think about the “should do” list you feel weary and a bit resistant. For example, I really “should” sort pictures in our storage room. Yawn. Lots more exciting things to do here. But I am not even tackling things like that. So you can relax and feel free to read on.
But if you could pair the unpleasant with something quite pleasant and rewarding, you just might notice a slight shift in your attitude from “I should do it” to “I could do it” (at least today).
“I could” has a more positive tone and sounds possible, hopeful, doable and ultimately rewarding. We are looking for doable these days of stress and high expectations.
I am amused as I read about motivation and reward systems. Our brain chemistry and circuitry has everything to do with motivation and reward. Perhaps you have heard about brain chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin. They are real and powerfully affect our drives for pleasure and reward. They spark anticipation for … you name it! Ice cream, beach time, etc.
James Clear says, “It is the anticipation of the reward that gets us to take action!”
You see, I have “known” that since I was a hard working child on the farm. I would come up with rewards for myself to help me get “the list” done that mom left for me when she was at grad school and I was in charge at home. Well my sweet little sister was always kind to the core and wanted me to play with her, so (although she was eight years younger) she faithfully helped me get the chores done so we could have some ice cream together and giggle and have fun. At that time, who knew it was a scientific truth that our brains actually have reward centers.
Clear says it is called “bundling.” It is fun to have a name for what we did. He says, The strategy is to pair an action you want to do with one you need to do.” (p111)
Of course a change must be repeated regularly to become a habit. But we can start small.
HABITS AND THE BRAIN
Knowing that habits and emotional states are related to brain chemistry and neuronal action can help us strategize more effectively. The more we understand how we are wired the more choice we have in regards to upgrading our behaviors.
My Small Steps ………..
If you happen to have read my last two blogs you know that I am grateful for a book that I discovered about habits written by James Clear, Atomic Habits. You also know that I am practicing making some new habits – small or tiny ones even – that will hopefully serve me well in the years to come. These will of course change as I learn more, but right now I am sticking to two changes. One is to write something everyday…and the other is to practice piano, just for the fun of it. I would like to be a better writer. As for piano, I want to be able to play simple songs and seem to have lost what little I may have acquired in years gone by. So I think it is good for my brain and have pledged myself to start with “Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star.” (Just so you don’t picture me doing something magnificent). This is what I mean by starting small.
Finally, some other quotes to ponder:
“Your brain has far more neural circuitry allocated for wanting rewards than for liking them.” (Clear – page 108) (for ex. holiday fun vs your actual experience?)
“Desire is the engine that drives behavior. Every action is taken because of the anticipation that precedes it.”
“We need to make our habits attractive because it is the expectation of a rewarding experience that motivates us to act in the first place.”
“You are more likely to find a behavior attractive if you get to do one of your favorite things at the same time.’ (that brings to mind listening to podcasts while cleaning the house)
So what are a couple of doable changes you would like to make? And how can you bundle the more pleasant with the less pleasant to make your need to do whatever attractive enough to be a want to (or turn your should into a could).
Make it easy and make it very doable for yourself and you will be able to model this as you shepherd your children.
Habits become values. So choose them carefully!
Let’s go do the “doable” – small changes that can lead to fulfillment.
Solomon likes that phrase: Do the doable! May it help us keep at it to build a good habit.
With love,
Margie
And with small steps we can say “I did it.”