Love is Not Fluffy

Dear TSJ Friends,. 

I like to teach and write about topics related to love, grace and growth. Yet I end up “freezing” when I try to do so. Can you relate to that feeling?

Certain little voices come out and whisper in my ear filling me with cautions such as “It doesn’t seem like a very intellectually robust  topic” or “What could I possibly share that hasn’t already been said?”

Do you have negative voices that hold you back from your best work?

But at Christmas time my sister gave me a book by Bob Goff,  Live in Grace – Walk in Love a 365 Day Journey.  It has fueled my desire to do better.

Grace. Love. Journey. Faith. Those are my passions!  I am supposed to be writing about those things!  Yipes.  But something often hinders my freedom of expression. That something is fear.

The fifth day Goff’s topic really caught my attention:  Don’t Let What You Are Afraid of Keep You From What You are Made For.”   Wow. Hmm.  How does he know we would need that reminder?  This must be a “God thing.” He is channeling a message we need to hear!  I don’t mean in a spooky superstitious way.  But God does work through us.  

Clearly, Bob Goff put his finger on a tender spot for many of us who have dreams, skills, gifts and longings we hide even from ourselves.

What do you long to improve on in the year ahead?  

One thing I long to do is write a lot more courageously about topics such as love, longing, belonging and faith. These topics, however make me tremble to write about. 

Bob Goff can do it! We can too. Here is an intelligent lawyer whose accomplishments and faith are impressive in the world and he has the courage of his convictions and the freedom of spirit  by allowing love to infuse his life.

What would we do differently if love infused our thoughts and actions more consciously?

What do you believe you are designed to do?  Does it puzzle you or scare you? Do you question it or ignore the question? What is your why for things you do  that satisfy you?

What lights you up when you think about your purpose or mission?  This is vital toward moving toward the light!

Truthfully, whenever I have attended seminars for coaching or spiritual growth and answered questions about “What are you made or designed for” it has always been “I am made to learn to Love and teach and encourage others the same.”  It is the big “why” for becoming a life coach. But I fear that  sounds “fluffy.”

  ” I coach and encourage others to love better” does not sound impressive or inviting, does it?  Well, learning to love better means learning.  Learning to love ourselves and our neighbor!   It is not fluffy. It is essential to the wellness of our planet.   

Love can be demanding (ask any caregiver or parent or school teacher) and understanding how to love well requires humility and open mindedness, even failure.

In his helpful little book The War of Art,  Stephen Pressfield has labeled the force that seems to keep us in bondage to self-sabotage as Resistance.  Ahh . . . I am not alone in this war against my better self . . . and neither are you. it is a force to be reckoned with.  Resistance shows up as procrastination, perfectionism and negative thinking.

Today, Resistance has been attacking me.  I have started and deleted this blog numerous times- starting early this morning.  And as is typical for me . . .  I started and stopped. Repeatedly.  Got distracted.  And started again.

My goal is to change this behavior gradually with practice.

But the idea for this blog was born from a conversation with a dear friend the other day in which I shard my fears and insecurities that come from stories of my past. She was attentive and kind. And we talked about the value of our stories.

It is our own stories – even our sufferings – that hold the greatest potential for us to learn valuable lessons we were created to learn. And often they are lessons of love and forgiveness. This is hard stuff.  But in so doing we help one another. We must grow to love our stories for the gold in them. Love is our currency of connection – backed by gold we mine from our experiences.

It is erroneous to think we can,  “Just get over it” when the story is painful. Life is a process of learning!  We long for perfection and connection and completion.  But we all have hurdles and experience suffering.  God’s Love is not always fluffy. It is always good and right. 

 Believing way down in my heart that there is nothing more difficult, more complex, and more redemptive than to experience  and share Love as God loves . . .   I leaned toward my friend and said, “ Love is not fluffy.”  

And she said, “Write about that.”  So here I am. 

Every act of love moves us forward, just as my sister’s gift to me and my friend’s gift connection and encouragement are “gifts that will keep on giving.”

Finally,  I want to share a couple of quotes from that gift that you inspire you too!

“We can’t win the game from the bleachers.”

“You won’t get the gold if you are too scared to work in the mine.”

“Fail trying. Don’t fail watching.”  (Bob Goff)

Happy shepherding — which is another way of saying courageously work in the mine (or pastures) of your family and discover gold within you and within others.

With love.

Margie and Solomon (my favorite muse)

 

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