Happy Wednesday TSJ Friends,
Today’s post is a simple summary and reminder of some basics of human learning 
and development of mind, body and heart/soul.
We all know that the basics of our education are the three rs: reading, writing, arithmetic. They are foundational to our whole educational system! And look at what we can do because of those basic skill sets!
But today I am focusing on two other sets of three.
First: the three basic components of building and growing relationships – from the womb to the grave.
We are created for relationship.
According to Martin Buber, three words that describe the processes we go through in development of how we relate to objects and experiences and people in this world are : “encounter, confront, relate.” And these are as basic for emotional/psychological development as the three rs for education.
Allow me to explain.
I have been contemplating for a few weeks about the complexities of developing relationships. Child development specialists have studied this sort of thing for years. It is relevant for us as parents, teachers and many other endeavors of service for children and youth. The more we understand the basics the more we can explore ways to help our children and each other.
Martin Buber was a brilliant Jewish writer and philosopher and his I and Thou book, a richly written and incredibly philosophical discussion of how we relate to objects, experiences and people has energized my personal interest in human development. This has been a refreshing perspective for me and goes beyond basics and merits much thought. I lack the skill to adequately summarize it for you but I have found enjoyment in ponder the truths behind the three words: encounter ~ confront ~ relate.
Understanding human relationships is far from easy. But understanding helps me be more compassionate and less judgmental.
Still it helps me to have a framework or a scaffold from which to view various concepts about human growth and development. Buber’s “encounter, confront and relate” ideas fascinate me. So I am sharing some quotes that cause me to ponder. You may want to read them slowly and apply them to your own knowledge and experience.
~ “All life is encounter” (p.62)
~ “The present —the actual and fulfilled present —exists only insofar as presentness, encounter, and relation exits.” (p.63)
~ “Presence is … what confronts us, waiting and enduring.” (P64)
~ “Love is a cosmic force. For those who stand in it and behold in it . . ., emerge from their entanglement in busy-ness.” Wow!
~ “Relation is reciprocity.’ (p 667) “Man becomes an I through a You. (p.80)
I think one reason this book has taken on special meaning for me is the delightful and rather awe-inspiring experience watching our nearly seven-month old grandson go through those first few months of development.
During these first few months one can almost actually see the very moments in which little humans learn and grow.
You can watch in slow motion the development of I-It (object relations) and a subtle and very gradual emergence of I-you relationships.
However, it is important to remember children remain in an emerging I and I -It relation for a long time. (For example…. “What is this object?” (encounter) – and “What happens if I eat it, throw it.. ?” (confront) and “How is it useful to me?” (relate).
Sadly, some people never fully develop an I-you of relationships. To them, people are seen as “it” – like infants and toddlers relate to their toys or your hair as they grab tightly!! They relate to “things” as to how the “thing” (object) serves their needs. Frustration with how things work or do not work for them yields cries or tantrums at times.
I like what Buber said… “The ‘It’ is the chrysalis, the ‘You’ the butterfly.” (p69)
~ “The prenatal life of the child is pure natural association, a flowing toward each other, a bodily reciprocity.” (p.76)
~ “ [the child] gains his world by seeing, listening, feeling, forming. It is in encounter that the creation reveals its formhood. No thing … reveals itself except through the reciprocal force of confrontation.”
~ “The innateness of the longing for relations is apparent even in the earliest and dimmest stage.” [AS in shortly after birth before directed movements etc.emerge]. I love that comment and it sure seems to be true in my observations of infants and beyond.
“So what?” You may be asking, “How does this help me in the daily grit and grime of life of parenting, teaching and shepherding our youth?
Well, I am not sure of how it may help you but it speaks to how complex and challenging human development can be at each stage of our lives.
All day we encounter life. We confront life. We relate to one another and to material matters in life.
finally, I admit that I am woefully overwhelmed at times and my mind runs in several directions at once (inefficiently so). So i offer you a practice that is helpful for me lately . . .
Second: This week I have found some surprising inner peace with this simple practice.
I am calling this the 3rs of spiritual refreshment! Yes, they are basic! Receive, Refresh, Respond — to be more fully present in your body and your relationships.
We cannot fully relate to others or be present to this moment when our minds are everywhere else.
Even though I sometimes get tired of “deep breathing reminders” this has truly helped me when I allow my mind to focus on three rs: Receive, Refresh, Respond as I breathe in and release.
1. Breathe in slowly from abdomen up – gently hold to the count of 3
RECEIVE the Divine Love as you breathe in.
slowly let go . . . release
2. Breathe in slowly from abdomen up – gently hold to the count of 3
REFRESH your spiritual immune system quickly and easily with each breath
slowly let go . . . . release
3. Breathe in slowly from abdomen up – gently hold to the count of 3 –
RESPOND with a renewed sense of being fully present to yourself and surroundings).
slowly let go . . . release
You can do this anytime of day or night and only you and God will know but it will help you get through each day in a gentler, less harried way. (It is a spiritual expression of “encounter, confront, relate.)
Hope you try it!
With love and ever onward,
Margie
