Dear TSJ Friends,
For our shared journey wisdom this week, I am about to tell you a true tale. I wish I made it up.
It all started in the yogurt, sour cream and shredded cheese area of our grocery store. It happened because I was shopping in a hurry and against my better judgment because of COVID-19.
Solomon has been kindly bemused by it too. He thought it great material for us to ponder together because his goal is to help expand our capacity for love and compassion.
So what happened? I had a large blind spot.
You see, John had some medicine that he needed to pick up at the pharmacy in the local grocery store. And I wanted to check out the card aisle for birthdays, Father’s Day and graduations. We have stayed out of grocery stores and still plan to do so for a few more weeks so we can travel to our niece’s wedding and not fear taking the coronavirus with us. And we needed a few easy to find groceries. That is the problem right there. I love grocery stores! And to restrict myself in one takes great concentration. I was focused.
Seriously, it was our first time to walk around this store since early March. And I felt a bit guilty and anxious about being there. Of course we wore masks and had our hand wipes tucked in John’s pocket. We went armed emotionally with caution and practically with masks and wipes.
I am not sure why I thought this would help, but I kept my eyes toward the objects of our desire on the shelves and avoided getting too close to anyone or even looking at them. I turned my masked face away if I was near someone and I darted and ducked into the necessary isles. It felt a like shopping incognito.
To speed up our departure time, John and I divided and conquered. He went to the yogurt aisle. Shortly after he did, I remembered we needed cottage cheese from that section.
I furtively darted over there to either tell him or pick it up myself. I was so intent on getting there I failed to notice not only the exit sign but had only vague awareness of another attention getting sign. I knew enough to practice safety and was familiar with this sign.
And I know this store like the back of my hand. Even in non-virus times I have entered the yogurt section where the natural traffic pattern of the store leads most customers.
But I mean I completely missed the EXIT sign! As I entered, I saw John at the opposite end (the entrance end). I started to slightly duck and weave my way through the crowd to join him. I was going the wrong way in a one-way aisle! But somehow I still did not realize why there were so many people coming toward me. I stopped.
I caught John’s eye just as he already was getting the cottage cheese. I gave him a thumbs up and scooted back out.
And there it was. Oops… The EXIT sign. Clear as a bell on a still day.
Imagine my dismay when I saw it. I had literally darted around it and did not see it at all. When I did I was embarrassed.
I can only imagine what they were thinking. John came out and I said, “John, I cannot believe this but I went in the wrong way!” Of course he knew. And I still can hardly believe it myself which is why I took these pictures for Solomon and you as evidence.
Well, the good news is I did not obsess over this mistake. Usually I do. And I know a few other people who obsess over mistakes too. Especially ones that make one look rather . . . well, you fill in the word.
We cannot read minds. So I do not know what they really thought.
But my imagination came up with a few ideas from the looks on their faces which I won’t share here because that would be too revealing! Why? Because our reactions to what people might be thinking is usually a projection of our own thoughts and beliefs.
In other words, how we react to what others say and do reveals as much or more about us than about them. That can be an ouch! Which is why we need to examine ourselves from time to time!
Did I say I did not obsess over it? Well that was true . . .
Until the dark hours of the night. At that time I suddenly felt anxious about how my blind spot could have hurt someone. Thankfully it was not that serious this time.
But in the night my brain went into “what if?” mode. And I did what anxious people often do. I obsessed. I replayed the scene in my mind. I wondered, “How many other mistakes do I make like that?”
That exit sign was so obvious. How could I have missed it?
I am sharing this story with you because I believe we are all vulnerable to dark thoughts in the night and to having to face personal blind spots. That made me start to spin on how we have personal and collective blind spots as our country is learning much about in recent weeks, especially about racism. I churned and could not sleep.
So in order to sleep, since I could not undo mistakes and since I now have a new life lesson to ponder, I yielded to wisdom. I practiced what I teach others. I turned my thoughts to my gratitude list first and then to my prayer list next. Many of you are on that list. But please don’t hope for me to have wakeful nights! I pray for you other times too.
This practice brought me back to my own body. Back to breath. Back to now. Back to sleep..
Morning brought more potential for finding purpose in the experience.
I am a scavenger of sorts for life lessons. Solomon, our TSJ muse, helps me.
I have been thinking the lasting value of seeing our mistakes and discovering our blind spots. When we face them honestly we grow. Once we see our wrongs we can neither unsee nor undo them. But we can be awake to new possibilities and hope. That is how we awaken and mature.
It sure seems our beloved country is getting an opportunity to see things differently, to learn from our mistakes, to unite in striving for our greater good. We have had major blind spots for a long time. We cannot and should not unsee what is being revealed to us of both subtle and radical racism. We must choose in its place radical grace and compassion. Each of us has work to do.
Sometimes it hurts when we awaken to things that are obvious to others and we have not seen the obvious, just as I missed a large exit sign due to my focus and concerns on my shopping. We all have missed big signs in our life. Some of them as obvious as the exit sign. Others less obvious. We have gone the wrong way. But there is hope that is always available and can lift us when we stumble.
As one who loves God and Nature, I find scriptures and metaphors about nature helpful.
This morning I found comfort and courage from the book Jesus Lives by Sarah Young. On pp. 282-283 Sarah highlighted these messages which Solomon says are definitely from our Shepherd.
“Beloved, you can even rest between My shoulders, like a lamb being tenderly carried by its shepherd.” (Based on Deuteronomy 33:12 – a blessing by Moses)
Another beautiful image for me is this:
“In addition to being your Shepherd, I am also like an eagle caring for its young while they’re learning to fly….”
Sarah Youngs is referring here to Deuteronomy 32:11 NASB translation: “Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions.”
What a way to find our way! To be caught when we plummet in flight and to be carried by Him either in his arms or on his wings!
Summer is almost here! Let’s play in the pastures of our lives and take time to receive rest and renewal.
Many of us have plummeted in our flights during the last few months, but God is ready to swoop down and lift us up – to carry us so we can fly again. But if you are afraid of heights you may prefer to remember … He will come as a shepherd and carry you in His arms between His very broad shoulders.
Be well. Thank you one and all for your messages. Ever onward learning from and turning our mistakes into messages of compassion and grace, growth and faith.
Margie and Solomon
