Dear TSJ Friends,
Happy Thanksgiving!
In many ways fall is my favorite season of the year.
Skies become intensely blue on sunny days. Shadows lengthen giving depth to the scenery. The trees are colorful in their preparation for winter. The flowers in our gardens often are at their brightest. Apple trees offer up health food for our winter.
Even as the days start to become bleak we have something to look forward to. Holidays! We enter the season of celebrations.
And my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving!
Many of you feel the same way. Thanksgiving is a holiday that unites all Americans through the spirit of gratitude.
We gather around tables and eat and talk, laugh, tell stories and play games.
Gratitude warms our hearts. Sometimes it is becomes so routine to answer “what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?” it can be difficult to express what we really are deeply grateful for in a way that feels new and dynamic.
So we often say, “I am grateful for food, family, my aunt, my teddy bear, etc.” And those are true statements. But we might increase our sense of wonder and gratitude by digging deeper.
A back story is often needed to clarify who and what we deeply treasure. It often emerges out of a difficult or an exceptionally awesome experience.
Gratitude becomes sharpest in contrast.
When I was a summer missionary in Ecuador in my early twenties, one thing I noticed was how dynamically grateful children on the streets were for very small things. Even a pencil will make their grateful hearts soar.
Oh their smiles! I was deeply impacted by their grateful smiles. Even as I write this I can “see” big brown eyes glisten with happiness in spite of having so few of life’s comforts.
Next year as we all sit again around our family tables at Thanksgiving, we will celebrate with even deeper gratitude because of experiencing this year’s pandemic pause and pain.
Contrast helps clean the lens of gratitude like windex cleans windows.
I am increasingly grateful for stories of gratitude and their power to inform and inspire us. Sharing stories of gratitude can can touch each other’s lives.
Your story reawakens my stories. And vise versa.
I would love to tell you (but not now) about Mrs. Miner (my 4th grade teacher), Mr. Lawrence (Sunday School teacher), Aunt Mable, Uncle Howard, Aunt Ethel, Bonnie (cousin), nieces and nephews, friends etc. who literally have made all the difference when I needed them.
Life altering stories run through our hearts like a stream of refreshing water in a desert.
My siblings and I absolutely love being all together and oh the stories the five of us can tell! You should hear us.
Some of us know how to spin them in such a way that everyone will either be laughing at the story or laughing because laughter itself is contagious.
Our stories can turn serious as well, with each of us giving witness to the other’s journey.
And I believe our stories sound a lot like yours. Stories of loss, love, hope, failure, marriage, divorce, success, humiliations and joys.
Stories are to our hearts like seasonings are to a Thanksgiving dinner.
What is your story this week?
Here is my story for today: Puzzled by Sadness
I have noticed the past few days a familiar but vague sense of sadness dancing around the edges of my heart. In fact, these feelings have been tugging at me strong enough to grab my attention.
Have you ever gone through days feeling inexplainable sadness or lethargy? Of course! We all have. We move on. We focus on things we can control. But when the feelings bubble up again and again we start to feel sensitive and reactive like applying antiseptic on a wound.
This time for me the sadness has been perplexing.
After all . . . Thanksgiving IS my favorite holiday. And I do love fall. I do like crisp air and clear skies and flowers that show off their colors just before frost. I am grateful for all that I have. Hmm.
And I have every reason to be celebrating!
Today, Mr. John and I celebrate our fourth anniversary.
And yes, we are very happy as we look back on the last four years. And we are deeply grateful for that beautiful, simple, evening wedding to start our journey into our evening years of life together. And for the many of you who were there.
All is well with us, even though we cannot think of how to whoop it up during the pandemic. But being older helps us recognize “for everything there is a season” with more equanimity than in our youth.
So I checked in with my muse, Solomon. He whispered, “Just pay attention to those feelings and give voice to them. Tell someone you trust.”
I did. I told John and I even took a nap this morning after my COVID test – which is very rare for me. And I texted a friend.
“Yes, Solomon I am noticing and giving voice to the feelings. And I am trying to just let them come and go. All good strategies. Thank you.”
But I wonder….Is it because of the pandemic? Is it because the skies have turned grey and the air is quite chilly? No sun? Is it because I am facing back surgery next week or because John will spend several weeks in December and January getting radiation treatments? Is it because I feel disappointed in myself for things left undone and days flying by? And for so many friends who are sad and hurting?
Or is it simply another leg of our journey?
The friend simply texted to check in and see how I am doing. Very sweet. She too has stories of grief and suggested I may be entering the time of year when Mr. Tom and I went through a difficult transition. (This also was a tough time for Solomon and friends, family and many of you) as cancer was paving his way Home to live with our Chief Shepherd.
Once she mentioned that (and she did not know Tom) I felt grateful and deeply connected to these “sweet tears.” It rang true.
Tears and sadness have a place. And this time it is a sacred space of love and loss, making room for coming back into the “here and now.” Which for me is a space of grace and strength that Mr. John and I share.
So it turned out they are tears of love and wonder! They reflect the beauty and sadness of loss for us of Mr. Tom who went Home on December 15, 2014.
We still love you, Mr.Tom! I remember well that one of his clearly expressed wishes was for Solomon and me to keep bringing you stories of love and encouragement.
Solomon and I will be back soon. Keep those emails coming. I love reading them and will do my best to answer them. Remember to call if you could use a booster shot of encouragement.
With love and gratitude for each of you patient enough to read our stories.
Margie