Dear TSJ Friends,
Have you gone through some tough times lately when you either found yourself crying or trying to withhold tears?
Sometimes tears seem to flow easily and other times we feel numb and cannot cry. That is okay.
But today I am sharing the value of tears.
And I have a question for you to ask when tears come (your own or a loved one):
“If your tears could talk what would they say?”
I am an experienced weeper. As a child in school I cried every time anyone got in trouble or was sad! My playful and humorous late Tom used to tell people, “She leaks from her eyes” or “She leaks” (for short.)
Shortly before we married, Tom was talking about his dad. As he done before, he was fighting back tears. This time, I gently asked him, “If your tears could talk, what would they say?“ It was one of the most powerful and healing experiences of our relationship.
He had pushed back a lifetime of tears over losing his father to prostate cancer as a nine year old. Answering that question truly freed him from the ache of years of many things unsaid. It was transformative in many ways. We started to learn what gets revealed can be healed.
SOBBING ON “THE BENCH” Tears of Tribulation
Many weeks ago I was re-awakened to the purpose and power of tears. It was not pleasant but it was healing and revealing.
It was on an early evening when the sun was still shining, the sky clear and the pond out back of our house looked like glass. The “Tom bench” was free and I was very thankful.
You see, it felt like everything was going wrong in my world and the world around me. I was anxious about many things. The greatest was how to be loving and present for people important to me who are suffering in one way or another.
And part of the journey lately had been watching and caring for John’s sister – in – law who had to be placed in nursing home for palliative care. (She died this week and the journey with her has caused me deep sadness and concern for our elderly and reminded me of how fragile and short life is).
Not only that, but I was also deeply concerned for several others close to us who have had health emergencies, perpetual and relentless pain, and suffering. There are also several friends and family who are braving heavy personal loads. The list is long – Illness, physical and emotional pain, deaths, surgeries, diagnoses of cancer, sick children, job losses and relationship issues – all pull at my heart strings for people I love. It has felt heavier than usual. And I was not sleeping well.
However, I thought I was managing things well until John got sick with some sort of flu like virus. In fact he was sick enough that he got a COVID test (negative) even though we both were fully vaccinated for some time. He felt miserable and quiet, wanting to be left alone.
I felt heavy and sad, alone and lost. I wanted to make it all better.
The breaking moment happened when John announced he was gong to try to attend a zoom meeting in his office. He had been ill and quiet for days and I was worried. As he walked away I felt the tears I had been fighting off start bursting through the barrier I had put up and sting my eyes and roll down the cheeks. Before I knew it, I was choking back sobs.
These were no ordinary tears. They came from sobs that make your chest heave and your sinuses and ears fill up. You know. When one’s eyes sting and your nose runs. No, these weren’t just any old tears. They were thick, messy and most unpleasant. It was a several tissue sob event.
Desperate, I grabbed a book and headed out back of our home for the bench. (The book was in case anyone happened by, I would pretend reading.) The bench is the one Tom and I sat on our last walk.
I left a note for John so he wouldn’t worry because right now the trees are full of leaves and hide the bench and he wouldn’t know where I was.
Surely, if anywhere, I could experience a bit of heaven there.
Shortly though, John came up from his office, read my note and called me on the phone. He offered to come out but he was truly too sick to do that. He had skipped his meeting. He felt bad that I was sad. So he just sat in our rocker which he turned toward the window watching for me to come up the lawn. I will always remember that sight.
My good cry had released the necessary oxytocin and endorphins that emotional tears reportedly carry and brought me relief. And a good talk with God helped calm my weary mind and soul. I walked up the lawn feeling lighter.
Right there at the window was my good man waiting to have me come back. That was the frosting on the cake. It helped my tears sparkle like crystals in the sunlight.
WASABI TEARS Clear tears
Several days after my watershed moments on the bench, John and I were enjoying some sushi for lunch. He really likes wasabi on the sushi and I watched as it “cleared out” his sinuses. I started to chuckle. These were tears of a different sort!
Wasabi tears didn’t stuff up his sinuses; in contrast, he actually could breathe better. Quite the opposite of my sobbing tears! Wasabi stimulates a pleasure enhancing experience in the body rather than a pleasure obscuring event.
That generated curiosity about all the different kinds of tears we have. This kind seemed to clear the sinuses- like peeling an onion might. Or like happy tears. They clear your vision.
My kind had opened the heart and cleared the soul – messier – but revealing and healing.
When I did a google search to learn about wasabi I read it is made of a chemical called ally isothiocyanate (AITC) which “triggers a nerve response in the nasal cavity and sinus area.” And wasabi has a “signature clean spiciness.”
I have read that pure wasabi is hard to come by (and sometimes the same is true for pure joy!)
“Pure wasabi is made from the rhizome (like a plant stem that grows underground where you would expect to see a root) of the wasabi japonica plant.” It is very hard to grow. “It grows in rocky riverbeds and can be killed by small changes in the environment.” It is also very expensive to grow in the US.
Because of its expense, most of our wasabi is mostly horseradish and perhaps a little mustard. You can tell the difference by texture. Real wasabi is grated and gritty in texture whereas most wasabi we eat is a smooth paste. Similarly, I have read that stress tears are more like saliva. They are thicker than happy tears.
SUMMARY
When you feel like crying and can do so, our wisdom muse Solomon says to let the tears flow. Ask yourself, “If my tears could talk, what would they say?”
- Tears are often cathartic – they release stress.
- Many scientists believe that they serve both a personal and social function. Crying is designed to arouse empathy in others. We both give and receive help and as well as share joy and happiness. Even tears serve us. They guide us toward each other on our shared journeys!
- Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins (reduces pain and lifts mood).
TEARS CAN BE BEAUTIFUL
Dutch artist Maurice Mikkers studies tears under a microscope and you may enjoy checking out his pictures (on the first link below.) He says they are like crystals and unique like snowflakes.
I admit I do not like to cry anymore than you, but doing so has saved my mental and physical health on many occasions and I do believe tears are messengers, a gift from the Creator.
I hope this gives you permission to feel and heal. I am “in the arena” of life with its ups and downs with you (as Brene Brown would say).
We do better together.
With love,
Margie and Solomon
Here are some links I used after I googled about tears:
https://www.sciencealert.com/your-tears-are-as-unique-and-as-beautiful-as-snowflakes
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631 ( 8 Benefits of crying)
https://time.com/4254089/science-crying/