Hello Dear TSJ Peeps!
Another week has flown by and another Wednesday Wisdom story has taken me completely by 
surprise. But it is very personal. Should I share this with our peeps?” I pondered.
Solomon said, “yes.”
And once again he reminded me that every single week our purpose at TSJ headquarters is to share life’s journey with you as it authentically unfolds. This is as important – if not more than – as sharing information and fix-it advice. Solomon says that our peeps already have a lot of that at their fingertips. I hope you agree.
Today’s story happened over breakfast in a local restaurant in a booth where Mr. John sat across from me and extended his hands across the table. I put mine in his. It was a spontaneous and warm, tender moment before we thanked God for our food.
Suddenly I faced a truth I often write and speak about. It is a universal truth about us humans. We might say, all of us are “Both-Ands.” We are both this and that ( e.g.- loving and unloving) and life experiences also generate a combination of “both – and” feelings and actions (e.g. happy and sad, helpful and hurtful, organized and disorganized etc.)
The moment I put my hands in John’s large working hands was for me rich with that “both-and” compelling force. I love those hands.
I have often focused on people’s hands. They are extensions of our fears, love, affection, purpose, work, encouragement (thumbs up) and celebration (applause). Tears immediately surfaced that seemed mysterious as they ripped open the hidden gem of love and loss that lies hidden beneath the surface. I had a couple of instant flash backs that whizzed into my consciousness like a tennis ball across a net.
Profound love and profound sadness are themes that often come to me.
I remember 46 years ago on May 10th my father’s hard working hands were stilled. I never saw them that still in life. And the vision of those hands no longer working or gesticulating as he philosophized on this or that was more than I could take. I believe my siblings had a similar reaction.
I do not welcome that sense of loss very easily in my consciousness. Yet – it is part of being fully alive.
Another flashback swiftly followed. I often remember the last hours by Mr. Tom’s bedside. His hand was around mine and I never wanted to take it away. Such love. And loss.
Both – And
“So should I really share this?” I asked Solomon (who seems to speak for truth and wisdom).
And Solomon once again solomnly said, “Ms. Margie, remember, the purpose of your stories is to wrap our peeps’ hearts with love and ignite or reignite their own wisdom for their own journey. In so doing we want to point them to trust the Chief Shepherd’s ability to love and care for them way down to their nitty and grittiest of hurts and needs. as well as joys and successes.”
So Solomon spoke and I listened.
One of my dear friends had given me a wooden elephant connected tusk to tusk with its baby in a way that formed a heart. And that figurine has traveled with me from home to home.
I put it on a window sill for awhile. Recently I changed its location but as I did so I learned that the sun had damaged it by changing the color of the other side. I felt bad. I showed my friend and she laughed and said, “That is perfect! “It is now truly both-and like the rest of us.”
To some degree our ability to embrace the both-and” components of life is a testament to our ability to be fully human. We are led to believe we should always – or pretty much always – be happy. That if we were living right we would be self- fulfilled, peaceful, happy, in love, patient and kind, always.
We want our children to have everything they need to be successful and to be happy. Yet at times the only way to success and inner peace is through hours of discipline, hard work and moments of facing mistakes and misunderstandings. It is about both this and that. You can fill in the blanks!
Mark Nepo’s writings touch my heart often. In his book, Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, I came across this today:
“We are never far from the need to let in beauty while we’re suffering and to listen to loss and what it opens. These two ongoing tasks exercise the heart and make us resilient, when we engage them.”
…”if we insist on deifying a painless life free of loss, we will only be battered by the pain and loss we are given and miss the point of the journey. Much as we’d like, we can’t be happy all the time, any more than we can dilate or inhale all the time. We need to dilate and constrict, and inhale and exhale, in order to live….. Difficult as they are, pain, loss, and obstacles are dynamic forces of life that make us open and close. It is up to us to make sense of our lifelong conversation with them.“ (p201) (Italics are mine.)
So as I lovingly placed my hands in John’s I was confronted with love and fear of loss again as I value what our hands express about life. It opened up my heart to remember – this is the richness and wonder of my time here on earth. And of yours too.
Let’s work and play in the pastures embracing all. And notice your hands. May we use them as extensions of love and life the rest of this day!
Margie
