Have you ever known something, taught it, believed it, and still have it come up again and again in fresh ways for you?
Lately I have done some mental fall cleaning and have been dusting off old truths. There have been several truths that seem to shine like tarnished silver after it has been cleaned. They remain powerful no matter how many times I am reminded of them.
One of those truths is the destructive power of the “b” word that has only three letters and can hurt like stubbing your toe. And I have noticed that the “b” word not only hurts kids when parents and teachers use it, it hurts adults when their supervisors use it and we hurt ourselves when we use it in our self-talk! It can be a dream killer, a real downer. When a sentence or statement starts out positive and the “b-word” shows up, it is like static on a radio.
What is the “B” word? I am sure you have figured out that it is . . . BUT!
It is an “ouch” word!
It is one of the most hurtful words we use on ourselves and our children. It often negates all the good stuff we just said. And all of us listen for the “but” when we are getting an evaluation, a critique of something, or even a simple compliment! The word can be stated boldly or implied, but the effects are similar… we remember after the but.
One powerful word. .. but. Words have power because our brain attaches emotions to them.
Does the “b” word show up in your self-talk? Notice how many times you negate good things you say or think about yourself with that three-letter word. It is just as destructive to ourselves as it is to others. This has been my recent mini- lesson.
It can destroy many a dream and wrinkle one’s self-esteem just after it has been warmly pressed with a compliment.
Let’s watch the “but” (the three-letter kind!). “What”, you may ask, “do we say when we need to offer criticism?” I have two ideas:
1. Keep the messages separate. The positive feedback can be given at one time and the less than positive at another time.
2. Replace the “but” with “and” to say that something is this and that because life is a combination of this and that. For example, “Sally, you cleaned your room well and you left your socks on the bathroom floor.”
I know this can sound rather silly and on top of everything else we parents have to consider, it can feel like one more thing. At the same time, an awareness of simple things can make a big difference in the quality of our relationships!
Along this line, I have decided to blog (publicly journal . . .yipes! ) about many of my own “mini”-lessons.
I like that word “mini” because it is more chewable and doable. In fact, I gain weight on “mini.” I am rarely tempted by a full brownie or full piece of cake, but if it is broken into pieces I will eat so many that I consume twice as much!
As I see it, a blog is kind of a mini piece of communication. So I have decided to write in an informal and personal manner much like I would chat with you in person. I hope my own story as it unfolds as mini- lessons will resonate with you and serve to help your journey be easier and more joyful!