“What IS worry, anyway?” Solomon, our TSJ very wise sheep asked the other day.
Let’s be honest. We all worry. It might be about losing your job or losing your fortune or losing your loved one. Worry looks different at each juncture in life. A child worries about not getting to play a video game or about school or making the team. An adult worries about how to parent, how to balance work and home and caring for older parents, or how to pay the bills, how to succeed.
Then there are those obscure worries like worrying about being inadequate, unworthy, powerless, looking stupid or even being stupid . . .
Oh how we worry! Some more than others, based on our personality, thinking style, life experiences, and other factors.
We all know what worry is at some point and to some degree. Or do we?
How do you explain what worry is to a sheep? Even Solomon, TSJ”s very wise sheep?
It is difficult to explain something to an animal whose brain has a smaller neocortex (reasoning brain) than the human brain.
But making complex things easier to understand for Solomon actually helps me examine my own thoughts and beliefs.
You see, we humans have an advantage in how we think. However, as with most privileges, come numerous responsibilities and challenges. The human brain has a larger rational layer and specifically a frontal cortex area that is the chief executive director (CEO) of our behavior. When not flooded and is fully on line it tells our emotional brain what to do. Our cortex is so much more complex than Solomon’s that we have what some developmental psychologists have called “metacognition” …. we can even think about thinking!
So, when Solomon saw my magnet on the refrigerator which is a proverb about worry, he asked me to read it to him and explain what it meant. And as you can imagine, proverbs are impossible to understand if you don’t have conceptual thinking skills.
It says, ” Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.”
“Oh,” he said. “Does that mean worry will keep you from eating, sleeping, playing, or exploring?”
“Good Solomon! Well, pretty much. But that depends…” I responded.
“But what ARE worries?” he interrupted. “Are they wild animals that can eat you up? Are they insects that get up your nose and drive you crazy? Do they kill you? Should I be worried, as you say?”
I thought carefully. Then I asked Solomon, “Do you know what weeds are?”
“Sure,” he said, “The shepherds spend a lot of time getting rid of them before they take us to new pastures. They are things that grow where they are not wanted and and they look good enough to eat. Us sheep don’t know which ones are poisonous because they look so tasty. So we often eat them and get sick or die.”
“Well,” I say slowly, “to us humans, worries are like weeds. They are thoughts that take up a lot of space in our heads.”
Like some weeds, some worry thoughts are basically benign. They don’t really hurt you. But if we feed them they grow and at night they grow particularly fast if we are not asleep. The primitive (basal/survivor) brain is doing its best to make us sleep so it can recharge itself. Nature has made it that way. That is one of its functions.
But humans also have the gift of memory. We remember the past, both distant and a few moments ago, and sometimes we start to think about those memories, often the ones we do not feel so good about. That makes our emotional brain fire up, remaining ready for action. The energy turns into fear and anxiety. Feelings can be overwhelming. It (the limbic/emotional brain) does not know what to do but it knows it better do something. Our brains are geared for action as part of our survival, especially if we are threatened or afraid.
Sensing danger, it stays awake and alert when it should be resting and recharging.
Some worry, of course, is for useful action and some leads to simply more worry which “doesn’t get us anywhere” but it gives us the feeling we are doing something.
Solomon said, “Well, I know what it means to be scared and it sounds like worry is kind of like being scared.”
“Spot on, Solomon!”
He then asked, “What do you peeps do when you are scared?”
“See, Solomon, even you know that we have to do something when we are scared. That is a good question.
When we worry we have to figure out first of all if there is something we CAN do. We often spend a lot of mental energy thinking about things we have no control over. So our first task is to figure out if there is anything we can do.
Humans have a big problem figuring out what to do when we have no control over situations. In a way this is good because we are the authors of invention and adaptation. In another way, it is problematic because we make up stories of failure and defeat that are so real to us that we believe them.
Like weeds . . .
~fearful thoughts often look like the real plant,
~they crowd out the real plant,
~rob the nutrients from the soil,
~and sometimes they block out the sun’s rays.
Weeds need, hem . . . to be weeded out!
But all worries are not exactly like weeds because some of our fears do serve us. They motivate us to make change and they help us plan ahead.”
I stopped. Solomon had glazed over. But that was okay because it served me to remember that worry is common. Our best approach is to accept that fact and sort out what we can do.
If there is nothing we can do, then I suggest we pretend we are Solomon. Here is why…
I asked Solomon, “What do sheep do when they are scared?”
Lazily he replied. “I know what I do.”
“OKAY” I give in. “What do YOU do?”
“I find the shepherd and hang out with him. Unless, of course, I am running with the flock. That is usually a waste of my energy though. I get too tired and it hurts my feet.”
Practical. Simple. Wise.
So last night I did just that. When I was worried about things that I cannot change, I quietly remembered that if I had a sheep’s brain I would not look into past or the future. I would simply stay near the shepherd and stay in the moment, breathing in the night air and sleeping.
What do you do when you worry?
Solomon is fast asleep now and I am on my way into a busy day doing what I love the most. . . learning about this thing we call life and being with my peeps!
Enjoy the day. Now, Solomon teases, “Come play in the pastures. Not to worry…. !”
