Hello TSJ Peeps,
Most of you know how much fun it is for kids to plan and then to experience a “sleep over” or as we said when I was younger, “Let’s have a slumber party.”
Either way you think about it, there is usually much more chatting than sleeping. And there is usually someone who gets home sick or feels left out or some other not-so-happy feeling. But in general, they are bonding events. Almost always they are at least a little memorable.
As I continue to share bits and pieces of our journey together here at the official Shared Journey blog site, I will confess this morning has to be personal. As you know, if you have been racing the Wednesday blogs, Tom is battling the end stages of cancer. I sometimes say to myself, “This is when love hurts.” As parents, we all know times when love hurts. Or as people experiencing separations by work, divorce and death. But love is worth the hurt.
Today’s Story.
Solomon and SJ are in with Mr. Tom. They think we should tell you about our sleepover…
We live in a “raised ranch” house that has 12 stairs altogether from the lower level to the main living level. The lower level is where the TV resides in the family room and Mr. Tom, as “the boys” call him, tends to hang out the most in his big leather chair. It is almost his “man cave” as his computer is in another room. Conveniently, my office is right next to the family room so we feel close to each other when I am here writing and he is there.
For several weeks, Tom has come down the stairs in the morning and climbed the stairs at night. That was all his body would allow him. And he has been determined to keep that up. A week ago, family came to visit and that included our sister-in-law who is a phenomenal physical therapist. She sized things up in three minutes and before they left three days later Mr. Tom had equipment to use, like a walker. One week ago he could indeed say “no thanks.” But it was here for “if and when” he needed it.
Exactly one week later, the night before last (Monday) Tom climbed the stairs to our upper level for the last time (barring some sort of unexpected recovery). His body said, “No, Tom, we need to preserve our energy.” And he listened.
On Tuesday morning (yesterday) I called his nurse. And she called his doctor to begin the process of stepping up his care. He needs a hospital bed which we will place in his favorite room with that big leather chair. And he is now grateful for his walker.
I began the process of moving our things downstairs to the guest room and cleaning our room up for family to stay. Tom remained downstairs in a sleepy state. His meds have once again been changed.
I grieved knowing he was not coming back up stairs.
Thankfully, he was spared the sadness due to his medications. He snoozed in his chair. He is doing everything he can to surrender to his body’s needs and eek out whatever moments of amusement he can. He is a trooper.
Tuesday evenings are our “TV date night.” We both enjoy watching NCIS and that has become our special time. I move my easy chair next to his and we enjoy being together. One week ago we did this with family.
But last night we turned it into a “sleep-over.” He needs to be inclined for comfort of breathing etc. and his chair works well for that. So we put sheets on the chairs, watched TV and he fell asleep. I read and listened to music. Yes, I cried a little. Very quietly.
I think I may have gotten more sleep than our kids do on sleepovers, but I experienced the wide variety of emotions kids experience, as I mentioned above. What helped me the most was simply doing what I encourage you to do.
First…I relaxed into the chair and said thank-yous. Lots of them…. thank-you that Tom was safely in his chair, that we are surrounded by love and support, that we have had 32 years of love that neither of us would trade for anything material, and that our children are strong minded, love us well, and are there for both of us as adults. I also said thank you that we are blessed by compassionate family and church family. Above all, I felt a deep gratitude the Good Shepherd is here.
Then….I put in my earbuds and listened to quieting music and said over and over, “Be. Here. Now.” Breathe. Say it again. And I did.
You know what? The unbearable sadness became transformed to being a cozy sleepover with my best friend on earth and the Unseen One. “Yes, even though I go through the valley…”
Tom and I are not alone.
And neither are you, whatever your valley may be!
Gotta go check on “the boys” and that includes Mr. Tom!
Sharing the journey… the pastures of life…and the Love of the Unseen but the everywhere and always Present Shepherd.
Margie, Solomon, SJ, and Mr. Tom
