Dear TSJ Peeps,
“The Boys” and I came back from a sorely needed post funeral and post holiday week of recuperation with family in New Jersey filled with love and care and some necessary sleep.
We came with determination to face together what we knew would be a “new normal” as people describe living without the beloved one(s).
And we came back to experience some necessary tears. Buckets of tears. It is harder than my brain could imagine it would be. Our minds are definitely excellent in helping us through life. But there is also so much in this life that is beyond the mind’s understanding and vast knowledge.
It seems to me that is where the heart comes in. And we did not know just how broken hearted and disoriented we would feel. Even so, each day has brought comfort to the heart and made it possible to breathe again and feel inner peace a few moments at a time.
We are discovering here at the headquarters the power of memories and the importance of living each day as an investment in love. We are immersed in memories between Tom and me and our stuffed sheep (Solomon and SJ to those who are new readers). Tom, a strong-minded, intelligent business man was not one bit fearful of being playful and childlike. We will refer to Solomon and SJ as The Boys from now on. That is what he called them. So why not?
The Boys and I decided to tell you a story. It is partly sad but mostly not. It is a physical picture of my heart’s experience. I know this is truly a time of recovery and it will be a zig zag sort of path The Boys (smile) and I will be walking for awhile.
Truthfully, I have gone from living a full and delightfully happy, fun-filled life with Tom, to an intense period of shepherding Tom into the Pastures Beyond the grave… to now . . . a time of complete disorientation and humble learning to accept what is.
Surrounded and Lifted by Love:
During Tom’s last day on Planet Earth he was surrounded by love. Almost unspeakable love. The children who live near were all around his bedside all day. Our competent, highly skilled medical friends whom we all love were here. Hospice people came to check in. But it was mostly us.
The most difficult feeling was of helplessness. His tall body needed to sleep on an incline and would sometimes scrunch down in the bed. He could not be moved without causing him pain or breathing problems.
No one could fully care for him alone. Such is true of all of our lives. We just forget that.
But what happened was beautiful. As evening fell it we clear we needed to do something to provide him comfort. With the guidance of our friends with medical experience, we circled Tom’s bed. Bruce told Tom we were going to move him and he was not to help us ( a tough thing), but he was to lie back and let us lift him.
With careful help and directions from Bruce and Carol (friends), Amy (daughter), Mitch and Tim (sons), and I took a piece of the blanket under him and lifted him with ease. He looked relieved and peaceful. And at least temporally more comfortable. He was painlessly air born and placed gently down, where he remained comfortable until the Shepherd rescued him from all pain.
He was truly surrounded and lifted by love. As are we (you too).
The Boys and I are remembering this. I wrapped a bandage around their hearts as a symbol of the time it takes to heal wounds. It is like surgery. During surgery and shortly thereafter pain meds help endure the recuperation process but time is what is involved in full recovery.
We are in a period of recovery here. But your cards, visits, letters, emails, phone calls, cups of tea, and expressions of sympathy and patience are lifting us … always just when needed the most. We at TSJ are blessed beyond words and air born by the power of your prayers and compassion. Thank you so much. I truly believe that in time we will heal. We will do our best to follow what Tom seemed to master and I shared at his service.. Do right and live light. Life is rich with love, laughter and loss for each one of us. It is a shared journey.
Believe it or not… still laughing and playing in the pastures . . . in between tears.
Margie
Solomon is still here. He is sporting a comfort verse from scriptures that one of our TSJ kids sent to Ms. Margie:
