Hello TSJ Peeps and Happy Wednesday!
Welcome to new readers and faithful friends. Today’s WW is a follow up on last week’s blog about the woodpecker who came to help me with grief and (in that context) a discussion of the concepts of surrender and release as opposed to giving up and letting go. But first . .
Solomon, the kids (SJ and Lovey), and I hope you had a good spring break and Easter celebrations. Solomon and I went to New Jersey to be with family for the weekend. The sun shone the whole time. “The kids” stayed home on the couch watching out the window for our return.
If you are new to this blog, please check out about Solomon and about Margie and TSJ. Otherwise this will all sound totally weird!
We are a growing community of people who may or may not be parents, but are leaders, teachers, business owners, care providers etc. of all ages learning to shepherd our flocks with love and wisdom. At TSJ we believe we are born to love and learn . . . not in a vacuum . . . but with and from each other.
Many of you know recently I have been blogging about the journey through grief and loss of my beloved husband, Tom, who was a strong man with a playful heart and who totally embraced our (Solomon and my) desire to coach others on life’s winding path using lightheartedness, creative imagination, real life experiences, stories and honest sharing as a way of learning together.
Surrender and Release
Last week with good old Solomon at my side, I shared with you a story that was raw and organic in nature. I wrote about a beautiful, strong, male red bellied woodpecker who slammed against the house while full speed in flight and was knocked unconscious. Well, Solomon has extracted several lessons he has been telling “the kids” about all week, as you can see in the picture above.
That experience was visceral (meaning emotional and instinctive rather than intellectual) and therefore very powerful for helping me experience a much needed shift in the grieving process.
You cannot think grief. You feel it. We cannot think about what is in our unconscious minds. We have to allow things to surface and then yield to their lessons much like we obey a yield sign when other vehicles could collide with us. You notice what comes by and wait for it to pass as you accelerate your forward movement. Noticing, yielding and proceeding forward all go together.
I learned yielding is a wise form of surrendering to a power greater than any defense we may try.
As I cared for that bird, I yielded to emotions that needed to be released.
And one definition of release is to “free anything from that which restrains it.”
Through the bird experience, I learned I was profoundly sad without experiencing any joy or hope from the flight of Tom’s soul. I could not find comfort in his freedom.
After all, my care had ended in loss. Both of him and half of me.
I had my faith to rely on, but somehow I could not fully release Tom to God’s care. It felt like “giving up” and “letting go.”
However, when I reenacted all of those caring emotions and actions on Mr. Woodpecker, I was treated with the most joyful ending! I must admit, I think he was sent to help me.
After helping that beautiful and scared bird as he clung to the screen door with his talons get unstuck ... and then quickly releasing him from my open hands so he could fly away, I had my first glimpse of Tom’s soul taking a wonderful flight and only then did my own soul take flight with joy for Tom.
And yes, I still cry and grieve but I have a new vision. I don’t feel like I am giving up or letting go. It feels very different. It feels more like I am yielding to the all knowing God who has freed Tom and wishes to release me to live and fly as much as I wanted Mr. Woodpecker to live and fly.
Mr. Woodpecker is after all a bird, and though he yielded (surrendered) to my care while wounded, he was designed to fly. When I released him he became free to be his own being. Solomon says, “As it should be. On every level.”
We all have losses and things we cling to both consciously and unconsciously, like the woodpecker’s talons to the screen. We too have the ultimate Caregiver (whom we cannot fully realize due to our own creatureliness) but who longs to disentangle our talons, and set us free from clinging to our sorrows, guilt, shame, and heartaches. Such things unnecessarily restrain our spirits from soaring.
What is restraining your spirit today?
Can you surrender your defenses to a friend, confidant?
Can you yield to the Spirit’s knowledge of the secret sorrows/fears you cling to and let yourself be free to fly?
Surrender and release can reawaken our hopes and reshape our dreams. Surrender and release mean possibility abounds.
Happy shepherding!
