From Tears to Rainbows

Hello TSJ Peeps!

Most of us do not like to cry.  Some of us rarely do it and some almost cannot cry. But tears are important!

Today’s first story came to mind the other day when I was writing an email to a friend reminding them that tears are a gift and after the storm is past, they can turn into personal rainbows. And as I often do, I asked, “If your tears could talk, what would they say?”

As happens these days in the second year of missing Tom, writing that email stirred up a priceless memory of him. I have often heard that the second year contains aspects of grief that are different (but often jarring) from the first year. I am finding this to be true. Sometimes the most unlikely things bring back intense memories.

The good news is  that for me, grief is definitely different from last year.  At least now I can breathe! (Remember last year I said it felt like an elephant on my chest?) This year, I enjoy music, laughter, new ideas for us at TSJ and I am now thoroughly glad to be alive.  I just bring Tom along with me all the time. Solomon says he is in my heart so that is ok.

Today’s Tears to Rainbows Stories:

Tears are important.  Our past is important. At times, they go together…..

One of the most profound times I experienced with unwanted tears and gently asking the question “If your tears could talk…” was when Tom and I were first courting. At those times you have a lot of learning to do about each other’s history. Part of his was losing his dad when he was about nine years old.

Every time I would ask about his dad I sensed it was difficult to talk about and the topic changed quickly. . . until. . . one evening. . .  we had some time alone (we had four kids between us when we met, so alone time was rare!) and we sat on the couch sharing our hearts after they were tucked in bed.  He told me about his dad. Tom was grew up an only child from this father who adored his boy (and visa versa) and was older than most dads. His dad’s death was devastating and Tom never really cried it out until that evening.

The sharing he did after I asked him if his tears could talk what would they say, moved my heart forever. His father had died in the hospital and young Tom had not had a chance to say good bye. He felt guilt and sadness about that.

His tears, he said, would tell me that he did not get the chance to tell his father that he loved him. As soon as he said that, his big shoulders heaved. Tears flowed. All those years these tears were locked up.  After the downpour of bottled-up salt water, his relief brought him closer to me and his two children, though they may not have been aware of that. The truth of his regret expressed in a trusted moment set him free.

He was brave to share his tears.  He was brave always. From facing his past to facing his future after he was diagnosed with cancer. We all love him for it. And when he was close to the end of his time here, he was looking forward to seeing his parents again. To most of us, rainbows mean the severity of the storm is past.

I looked up about rainbows on the internet here: http://scijinks.jpl.nasa.gov/rainbow/ It offers a simple explanation. I also learned there are dark superstitions about rainbows too, which surprised me!

A Happy Rainbow Story:

A little over 21 years ago my life was touched by a huge rainbow.  I was on my way to work and just stopping for my morning cup of coffee thinking about my sister who had gone to the hospital to have her baby. When I got out of the car I looked up at the most beautiful rainbow I could imagine. I knew way down deep that the baby had just arrived.  My cell phone rang very shortly and that baby was my niece, Megan, who is a rainbow all by herself. It arrived at exactly the time she landed on earth.  That times tears of joy brought all the colors of the rainbow.  She warms my heart even just thinking about her! The picture above is a plaque she gave me for my birthday.

SUMMARY

Tears are water droplets – a major requirement for a rainbow to show up! Notice however, they cannot be seen in the middle of a downpour. 

It takes another ingredient – sunlight. Could that symbolize hope?

In my first year of grief there was an inner storm. No room for sunlight behind me because clouds have to be cleared away from the sun for the rainbow to appear. My clouds were thick and tears were torrential.

Think about your tears today. Do they need to be released? Or have they been set free and now you can see the blessing in them? If you are in the midst of storm, just remember you have to wait for the clouds to clear before you can see the rainbow waiting to show up.

But be sure to look carefully when the tears lessen and the clouds break up a bit, you may see the rainbow with your minds eye.

Want a rainbow? It will come when conditions are right.

You need water droplets! When the light comes into the droplet it bends (flexes) a little (because water is a bit more dense) on its way in and out of the water droplet. This causes it to break up into color.  Sunlight is made up of many wavelengths.

See what analogy or metaphor you can come up with using water, light, flexibility and wavelengths.

May your troubles turn to triumphs when you share them with someone trustworthy of your heart.

And may your tears turn to rainbows of hope.

Margie and Solomon – working together a lot these days! That silly sheep has lifted my spirits more often than I care to admit. But joy is a good thing!