The Junk Drawer Syndrome

Dear TSJ peeps,

Fair Warning: Solomon wants me to warn you to get ready for an honest blog.   It is about learning in our most difficult messes. And we humans can be messy creatures inside. We all need help learning and relearning to be grateful for who we are created to be or who we are at the core. But sometimes we have to dig through a lot of past lies and misplaced beliefs, judgments and assumptions to find the treasure within- where God waits to give us joy and pure love.

Solomon says that we all have the vulnerable, scared lamb and the magnificent, powerful elephant within us.  And we are happier when we accept both.  We need to make friends with both. But how?  When you are feeling terrible about yourself, how in the world do you find your way out of that pain?

This week I had a setback.  I found myself “spinning” in my mind when I thought I had hurt a friend’s feelings. Already feeling overtired, insecure and overwhelmed with homework for an online course I am taking,  I easily reverted to a default position where I was all wrong, totally inadequate etc.  And the worst thing I can do is hurt someone either physically or emotionally!

So I lost sleep.  Because once my brain got in overdrive my whole body was geared to help me…my heart raced, ready for flight. But there was no monster in the room. Only my thoughts.  The engines were revved because in times past mistakes meant rejection for me (as for many of us).

Our past life experiences and our current ways of dealing with any of our major stressors – rejection, divorce, death, fatigue, job stress, children. etc. –  tend to reset  our inner thermostat to default. It has to be reprogrammed again.

The problem is that when our emotional brain gets triggered (to save us) it creates enough body chemicals to make us move!  But most of the time we are not in real danger. And our emotional juices (with no place to run) have blocked our rational brain’s ability to provide us with accurate information.

.All of this brings me to what I am calling my “junk drawer syndrome.”

First of all, I seem to always have at least one “junk” drawer and a “junk” cupboard. Or at least they look junky.  They are a mess.

Every so often I get totally disgusted with myself and clean them out.  It is hard now because I cannot blame Tom for the messes anymore.  Nor can I blame him for not changing the toilet paper roll either. Nor for leaving dirty dishes in the sink.  I wish I could.

And perhaps that is part of my setback this week.  When I used to worry too much or take myself way too seriously, I could always talk with him and almost always he would break the cycle by making me laugh.

Back to the junk drawer. I rather like my junk drawer.  The fact that I have to dig a bit to find something makes me have hope.  “It has got to be here.” Dig. “Hmm…there has to be something in here I can use to….”  Dig. Then, “Oh, I forgot I had that.  Yes! That should work!”

Perhaps we all do well to throw tools and tidbits of information and inspiration in a mental junk drawer.  They just might come in handy in those times when you are mentally stuck and feeling lost, out of control and angry or depressed.

Here is my list of things you might collect.  Being human means we all will go into default thinking sometimes and have the same old feelings and irrational reactions we thought we had outgrown or grown beyond.  So why not keep a drawer of tools handy?

Digging leads to Discovery! 

Tools for your mental junk drawer: 

Like Tom did to break my cycle …. laughter is a go-to tool. Your brain cannot laugh and be mad or sad at the exact same moment.  It gives the emotional center time to cool down long enough that reason can come back on line. Problem solving becomes possible.

Deep breathing... Anything will help. Sigh, yawn or slowly take air in through your nose, hold your breath a short time and let it out with a slow whish sound. Be sure and drop your shoulders too. Do it three times.

Stare off into space… and breathe at the same time- as it will break inner tension into little moments of peace. Looking up helps.

Talk with someone you trust…

Someone who can truly feel your feelings so that you feel heard, seen and understood.  You feel “known.”

You know you have found the right place when you can “feel someone feeling you” (not by touch, but by heart). It divides sorrow and doubles joy, as the saying goes.

Do something – take some sort of action… 

That is what I did when I was feeling badly. I did a short jog/walk just to be able to go to a meeting.

Pray – then be still… Your brain will still overwork but at least you get a chance to go deep and discover your core self where God waits to whisper words of wisdom and hold us while we recover from our angst, our tears, our wounds, our fears.

Help someone else… it changes our focus from inward to outward.

Actually, I dug in my own mental junk drawer and used all of these things to gain new insights about myself.

Each dig uncovered another tool. That is what I like about junk drawers.  Anticipation of finding just the right tool.

And guess, what?   I had not hurt my friend at all. It turned out that it was a great learning experience for both of us.

May we all search the junk drawer for personal growth.

You know all of this. But reminders can help.  I hope you find comfort in the knowing you are not alone.

As always, enjoy playing in the pastures knowing you are loved.

Margie and Solomon