Good Morning Peeps . . .
This week it is time to remember. I invite you to grab a cup of your favorite beverage and share a time of honest reflection with me. Many of you are in the season of Lent and many of you are suffering loss either personally or with those you love. Together we can share and encourage one another in life’s mysteries and messes.
The skies are gray with no sign of the beautiful and brilliant sun that would blind our eyes if we fully looked into it. The gloom of the day matches the memories of holy week. Without the temptation of playing in the sun, the day’s gloom helps point us inward to face our humanity and the sadness that comes with the dark side of being human. We all have our sins to confess.
I cannot imagine being part of Jesus’ inner circle, let alone being his mom, and watching the ugly and unfair process of his trial. No parent can imagine seeing any child of theirs put to such humiliation and shame and hurt so badly without being able to do one thing to take it away. It was a bleak time. And it is important to remember.
It is important to remember . . . so we don’t forget.
While that sounds obvious on the surface, it carries deep significance. First, history is an ongoing teacher. But only if we remember.
With the distance of time we rely on symbols to help us remember. For Christians and others, the cross is the symbol for love, sacrifice, and forgiveness. But it is also a symbol of raw human emotion, rejection, misunderstanding, humiliation, anger, unspeakable physical pain, betrayal, confusion, crowd condemnation, private loneliness, loss of hope, loss of life, loss of a friend, son, and teacher and an amazing human being. We can relate because we too are human.
Since our beloved Tom died, this season of the year has taken on added significance for me. When I remember his suffering and my feeling of helplessness I feel a tinge of what the disciples, friends, and family of Jesus might have felt. It all seems so wrong and so unnecessary.
I am now in my second year of going through holy week and Easter without Tom by my side. I relate more readily now to how Jesus paved the way for new life as he was losing his own life. We believe he showed us the way to live, die and live again with hope and joy.
But sadness is important. Remembering is important. It helps us dig deep into our hearts where sadness without guilt is a sign of love at its best. When we remember we weep. Some of us weep with tears and others of us weep inside. But we all bleed and we all weep. Even Jesus. We are all human.
This week I have spent time with Tom in private and by his grave. Remembering. He is never far from my consciousness – even in moments of happiness. It is a difficult process to realize we can hold both sadness and joy as equally sacred in our hearts at the same time. It is not either – or. It is both – and. So I am learning it is okay to be both sad and happy. It is sometimes confusing to me and to others who share the journey with me from ‘heartbreak to happiness” as Aurora Winter, a grief coach says.
I am learning I can love Tom and love life. Some people take longer than others to experience what a friend shared recently, “I finally woke up one morning and realized it was okay to still be alive and I can be happy and it doesn’t take away from my love for …..” It gave me joy to see her glow. She is giving love and life another chance. We cried together and celebrated together at the same time! I can relate.
The disciples did the same as they shared the joy of new life in a world that did not understand what happened. Nor did they. They were human like us. And their lives after Jesus were often filled with confusion and suffering along with hope and joy. People could not understand. They had not walked the walk. They had not experienced the love of Jesus that paved the way for new joy.
Of course there is no real comparison here to the Jesus story but because of the common thread of humanity in all stories there are useful parallels to share with you. . .
Tom paved the way for my future. He did so in all the conversations we had about his wishes for me when he is gone. He did so in attending to financial matters. He did so in believing in and urging me to share what I learn about love with TSJ friends. He did so by nurturing the playful side of me (using Solomon and SJ as my props for writing) and tamping down the worry side of me. He did so by providing me with forever memories of laughing, loving, learning and letting go of fear. And his love and God’s Love are in my heart forever whispering words of love, happiness and joy to guide me.
I am in the messy work of rebuilding my life and probing new ways to serve the God I love using the life lessons I am experiencing. How about you?
Thank you God for Jesus who paved the way for all of us. And thank you God for Tom who paved the way through sadness to gladness for me and those who love him well.
Yes, it is good to remember.
First the cross of suffering then the cup of hope.
The way has been paved for us to allow sadness, memories and heartache to be our forever reminders of God’s love, grace and joy and the gift of life itself. It is an all inclusive present waiting to be unwrapped moment by moment.
Happy second Easter in heaven, dear Tom. Because you are there with our Shepherd we can know joy as we play in earth’s pastures.
Solomon and SJ send their love too.
