Dear TSJ Fellow “Peeps,”
I hope you are in a good space today. We all need encouragement on our journey. I am excited about writing about my little self imposed adventure that seems to have set in motion some momentum for change!
I had been thinking about a couple of questions I think could help us all jumpstart our emotional batteries, like jumper cables on a car. They are:
“Are you glad you did?” and/or “Do you wish you had?”
Each can be informative. And fun to try, especially if you feel frustrated and discouraged from lack of consistency and accomplishment. We are after all human and vulnerable to ups and downs!
So I have begun a new adventure. In the evening before retiring I light my meditation candle and ask myself…
[What] are you glad you did?
And it has set in motion a more positive approach to making some changes.
As a child I discovered life’s journey is much like a story told by Mrs. Davis, one of my Sunday School teachers. It was the Pilgrim’s Progress allegory by John Bunyan told from a highly abridged children’s version.
Like many teachers back in those days, Mrs. Davis used a flannel board with pieces of felt cut images placed one at a time on the board as she told the story. It was slow enough to give time for absorbing its message and colorful enough to hold our attention.
Mrs. Davis was a a slender, elderly woman with a slight tremor, gnarly hands and lots of wrinkles, Her kindness and her smile made her seem wise and ageless even then.
For weeks I anticipated with eager ears to hear the next episode of the story. I have not read the book since that time. Though a classic of its time, I learned it is a rather long, laborious read. But I can still remember the bare essence from her presentation.
As I remember it, Pilgrim’s Progress is an allegory of the Christian journey of suffering, temptation and faith. Of good and evil. Of falling and getting back up. Of grace and forgiveness.
As a ten or eleven year old, I already personally knew the earth journey was tough. But the way she told the story helped me realize others suffer too and find hope through God’s Love. I remember some scenes she put on the easel vividly portrayed the grit and glory of the human journey of faith and love.
Now I am older than she was at that time, and I know the truth of what she taught us. Life is frequently not heartwarming or smooth. In fact our inner journey is often very rocky. We trip over ourselves and sometimes fall flat on our faces. I do this regularly and struggle to “get over myself” when that happens. But there are ways through tough times since God is with us.
I also know now the truth that we humans are resilient and can become wise through suffering. My teacher’s life and her teachings spoke that truth.
Sometimes, however, in childhood we develop false beliefs from stories, even from Bible stories told to us a certain way. For example, we humans are driven and often misguided by a need for approval and acceptance as part of our survival.
As a young mom, for example, I wanted to do everything right, (and even since then) I have fallen prey to thinking that if I just do everything right God will be pleased and bestow blessings on me and my children. Of course that is erroneous and makes God be either a Santa type at best or a tyrant at worst.
And a perfection addiction itself sets in motion an unhealthy dynamic, impairing our ability to live from a place of deep inner peace. In other words, for many of us it nurses a lie that perfection, success, and approval are pavers on the “yellow brick road” to fulfillment and happiness.
Instead, doing everything right is impossible, perfection is an illusion, and approval is slippery. And often leads to such inner stress we don’t do our best.
But even on the path of improvement vs. perfection we often do have regrets. We are all familiar with the quote: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these are it might have been.”
With that in mind, I am rediscovering the power of the “now” of life. Every moment counts in our cup of life.
So near the end of each day I have been emphasizing the first question: “What are you glad you did…..?
Now for the second question: . . . .”What do you wish you had done …?
For those of us who tend to lean toward focusing on what we cannot seem to master, or do well, and are prone rehearse all the things we say that sound stupid or are neither kind nor loving, it is essential to find something from the day that we can say, I am glad I did that! Why? Constant self condemnation is the path to discouragement and spiritual or emotional bankruptcy.
So now, when I ask myself, “What do you wish you had done…?” (implying regret) I respond with:
Perhaps tomorrow that will be on the “I am glad I did” list!
I hope you try this for fun.
Also I went one step further . . . feel free to do the same.
This morning before writing this letter I did a quick looking back on my life and asked myself, “What are you glad you did …?”
Here are three of my “Yes” life experiences even though they are all under revision right now!
1. In the 1991 I began my private counseling practice which meant taking huge risks and even moving. Tom was so supportive of this that we moved to a home that had a private office entrance so I could be counseling from home in the evenings after my day job as a school psychologist.
2. Upon retiring I made a professional shift and pursued training to become a certified life coach for parents and teachers focusing on shepherding our children.
3. I started blog letters to you. Because of that, Solomon became my muse and has helped me smile through it all.
Of course re-visions are part of life and personal growth and I am working on re-visions at this time in all these areas and more.
Your turn!
Declare to yourself: “I am glad I did . . .!” (fill in the blank) Notice how that feels!
Here’s to your happiness and filling your “glad I did” buckets!.
Happily playing in the pastures of personal growth,
Margie and our muse, Solomon
