Greetings TSJ Friends,
(This is a letter for my children and nieces and nephews. As my Wednesday Wisdom readers, I decided to share it with you for a peek into a regular family – willing to share our loves and losses.)
Dear “Kids,”
I know that you are all into your careers and are too old to be called “kids,” but this is a look in the rear view mirror at your “Grampy,” our dad.
You see, fifty years ago today was dad’s last birthday. He was 52. We didn’t know it would be his last birthday on that day.
Until we did.
Five days later on May 10th he died.
And he left a gaping hole in the lives of many. A hole only he could fill with his boyish grin, his fervor for getting things done and done well, his enthusiasm for learning, and his fortitude in times of trouble.
ABOUT DAD/GRAMPY
Most of all, the one memory all five of us will tell you kids with profound respect, is about his unfailing commitment to God.
And his two major life dreams were:
One ~ to be a farmer. (Dairy and Poultry)
Two ~ that all his children would grow up believing in God and the Good Shepherd, Jesus.
As a youth, dad knew grief from losing his father and mother. As an oldest child, he developed a huge sense of responsibility for his three younger siblings. Later on, he taught us five children the same values of hard work, love and compassion, and commitment to God and community (church and neighborhood).
He followed the two most important messages of the faith he embraced: “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.”
In a farming community, this came back to him when he had his first and nearly fatal heart attack around the age of forty. The neighbors harvested his hay for him when he was unable. At the time, medical treatment for heart attacks was not as sophisticated as today. The doctor said he had to give up farming. A dream broken in a single day. But his life was saved and his family was grateful for that.
And your grandpa, as smart and responsible as he was, went back to college for his master’s degree and became a high school science teacher. He loved nature, science, and his faith, and was known to happily philosophize at length about one or all three topics with us children.
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION (May 1971)
All of you already know that when something sudden, unforeseen and major happens to turn our personal lives upside down, our memory freezes us in that moment and place. If nothing else, each of you has experienced some aspect of that when our current pandemic hit. But eventually we can reflect on hidden blessings in spite of the losses. Looking back alters our perspective.
So dad’s birthday is “frozen” or earmarked in the journal of my life, because the unforeseen happened. Five days later he died.
THE BLESSING of HINDSIGHT
A few months ago I was on the playground with grandson Hendrix. It was so exciting to watch him take his early steps! It was when I watched Hendrix learning to walk that I had this wonderful flashback.
Dad was at our house because Joe had been born on April 30th. (Now you know he just turned fifty!) Mom had come to help care for Tim while I was in the hospital having Joe. When Dad came back to pick her up we decided to celebrate Joe’s birth and dad and mom’s birthdays (May 5 for dad and May 7 for mom) before they went back home.
The dining room table was set. And while the food was being brought to the table and people were sitting around talking, “Grampy” was playing with little Timmy whom he adored. The feelings were mutual. Tim was 13 months old.
Suddenly Grampy got up and helped “Timmy” get balanced, got him pointed in the right direction, held his hand for brief minute, and then it happened! Tim let go of grampy’s hand and took his first three steps!
Dad beamed. I mean he beamed a radiance that would shine a light into my seventies and makes me gently weep remembering it. I always thought it sweet, but now that I am older I treasure it even more. I “get it” ….. the joy of that first step is amazing. After all, it launches them into their lives.
You may already know this, but Timmy has walked ever since. 🙂
Later, we gathered for dinner. Merriment was rippling around the table with chatter and story telling. Baby Joe started to cry. My dad looked at me with that boyish grin of his that melted my heart and asked, “Do you mind if I get him and hold him?” Of course not! And dad picked up little Joe tenderly, wrapped the blanket around him in a bundle and held him all through dinner. Grampy looked like the grandpa he was – tender, content and proud. I wish I had a picture.
This event is a blessing in hindsight. It would always have been sweet, but now I feel especially grateful that I have a memory of my children’s brief time with their wonderful grandpa.
FIVE DAYS LATER
Dreams get turned upside down, life happens, losses abound in a moment’s notice. Last memories, however, become lasting memories and can become blessings.
With a new baby, a thirteen month old and happy memories and many dreams for the future, on May 10,1971, around 8 in the evening, I got a call from my beloved big brother. Fortunately, my babies were asleep and the day was winding down, husband was across the parking lot at church.
Brother Dave spoke in a gentle, solemn voice. He checked on my well-being first but I sensed something was serious. “It’s about dad.”
“Oh no!” I cried. Immediate weakness came through me and my stomach churned. “Heart attack. The Lord has called him home. We know he is in good hands.”
The usual questions and conversation followed. I then sat in dead, stunned silence. I didn’t even get hold of my husband. I was weak from a difficult childbirth and now from an unspeakable loss. Not only of a father but of a dream for my children to know him.
I am most fortunate to have that happy last memory of the birthday in my mind. This is not so for my three youngest siblings who were in high school and with him that day, indeed the moment, he died. They desperately tried to resuscitate him, but to no avail.
The twins were just weeks from high school graduation. So we have the same wonderful dad and five different perspectives of that day, but all of us thank God for him and each other and the God he taught us by word and example to love with all our hearts.
So, dear nieces and nephews and Tim and Joe, we can kick up our heels to celebrate his birthday forever and the great love we have in our family because of him. When I became a stepmom I ached for both Tom and the children to know dad. John now wishes he knew him too. I can only hope they know a little bit of him through all of us who are privileged to be his children and share our stories.
But all of us can rest assured that Russell E. Owen is now in heaven celebrating his birthday and sending us his love from above.
I feel incredibly blessed to be one of his children and to be your aunt/ mom/stepmom and to have your parents as my siblings. Some of our spouses knew dad and loved him. Our other spouses genuinely wish they had been able to know him. One day they will.
REFLECTION MOMENT
I am learning that as I age, I tend to become more interested in things from my parents’ past.
I hope this letter is a reminder for all of us to live in such a way that every day is an opportunity to leave a legacy of love.
Our dad loved being a grandfather. Even if you were not yet born, we want you to know about your grandfather as he lives on . . . in our hearts and stories told around the kitchen table.
Happy Birthday, dad and grampy. Thank you for showing us the Way of Love in Christ.
Love to all,
Margie (Aunt Margie and Mom)
Solomon has read this and approves of using this time to remember another shepherd who has lived and left a legacy of love.
