Dear TSJ Friends and Family,
Happy Wednesday! It is hard to believe the summer is almost over. It seemed to vanish before our eyes.
Yet the world 
has been churning with troubles and longing for peace. Many global issues give us reason to pause, reflect and seek wisdom. More than ever, we must do so for our children’s sake.
Today, however, I have been looking forward to writing to you. Why?
Well, do you remember that in my last blog letter I started with a short reflection saying, even slight changes in perspective can make a big difference in our relationships? We all carry various perceptions about the world and ourselves from childhood into adulthood. But as we experience more of life and wisdom new perspectives can uproot our previous perceptions.,
I am curious; have you had any gentle or small shifts in your own perspective (attitude or view) from your original perceptions on something puzzling in your life this past week?
I love the that sometimes it only takes a gentle and slight shift in perspective to start a landslide of Goodness and Love.
DEFINING OUR TERMS;
PERCEPTION:
Online definition of perception:
” neurophysiological processes, including memory, by which an organism becomes aware of and interprets external stimuli.”
So I have been thinking how perception is based on our experiences, our stories. Our memories hold and interpret meaning for us at various life stages. Our personal stories are often filled with sensory experiences that help us interpret (perceive) events in a way that makes sense to us at the time and help protect us when we are suffering. These events become part of our self-perceptions as having agency (or not) in times of struggle, and having protection (or lack of) from God and those who love us.
PERSPECTIVE:
Online definition of Perspective:
“a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view:“
Last week I posted a story here about myself as a young shepherd. I related an incident of how scared I was when I was put in charge of watching my three little siblings playing in water when it started to thunder. I was young, alone with them, and had to be resourceful in getting them to a shelter. If you missed it you can click here.
So Solomon our faithful muse, wants me to share how through writing to you, I am learning to embrace my own perceptions (experiences) and welcome new perspectives (other views). Writing personal stories is challenging.
I truly believe that sharing how we perceive events can help or hinder us as parent-shepherds. If our perception of ourselves through tough times is one of compassion and agency, we will act accordingly. If our perception (experience) of God and the world is punitive, unforgiving and controlling, we also will act accordingly. Both affect our parenting styles and our ability to understand and relate to others, including our children.
LAST WEEK’S INNER CHILD PERCEPTIONS
THIS WEEK’S ADULT PERSPECTIVES
Last week I wrote a short memoir type story. This brought up for me the difficulty of writing stories. I want the facts to be accurate and because I often see even my own stories from a variety of perspectives, it is hard to take the risk of making errors. Getting feedback from trusted people, however, can expand my own views and challenge my perceptions.
I also know that we should not neglect the inner child who wants his or her story to be heard and understood. In fact that is a basic human need. We avoid exposure of our inner person to protect ourselves from rejection and criticism. Of course that is partly necessary in this world where we are tried by public opinion. But it is important to have people you trust to tell your stories. And to trust yourself. You know what you have gone through, that your experience is valid, and others can relate.
I highly value truth and honesty along with open-heartedness. And I also value the truth of experience. So while playing in the pastures of story telling and making some mistakes, I am learning . . .
First, memories may not be totally accurate:
Stories are naturally filled with personal perceptions.
While we need to strive for accurate details in the story, we also must allow room for storytelling to be a portal for connecting with each other and learning from each other.
This is true for our children too.
For example, when a child comes home crying from school with a story about being bullied or rejected et cetera, the facts may be slightly or even significantly off the mark. But it does not invalidate the child’s experience. His/her perception was of being rejected or bullied. It may or may not be accurate in one sense but is absolute truth in another.
Our experiences are our truth. When we shepherd each others’ stories we can shelter and help heal each others’ pain.
Years from now, the stories that will be written by children who have either escaped from or remained in Afghanistan will express earth’s terrors and hopefully God’s grace, interwoven in their souls. These memories will last their lifetimes. As do ours.
Time does not delete our past experience nor our soul’s work. But it can change our perspective. Still, things will unexpectedly trigger many feelings of loss and loneliness as well as fear in their futures. Trauma does that. And one cannot fully evaluate what qualifies as trauma for another person. We do know, however, trauma triggers pain. Again and again.
So our stories shape our future behavior and often serve as “triggers” for how we perceive events.
Second, Our stories are true for us.
We can embrace them rather than condemn them.
Last week in my story, some of my details are not precisely accurate. That bothered me.
For example, our ages are approximate. My descriptions of the children are fuzzy. I do remember my sister being attentive and helpful to me and the boys being eager to play in the water longer! But I am not sure where my older brother was. I cannot remember what time it was or if it was lunch mom brought or an afternoon batch of cookies. Finally, I likely was not in as much danger as I perceived.
Do the slightly off details change the essence of my story of being alone and afraid? I think not!
When our children tell us their stories, the first thing to listen for – and truly hear- is what it felt like to them. When you can validate their experience without demanding facts, they can feel sheltered by your understanding. Facts can be sorted out when necessary.
In my story, I felt fear. Be it unreasonable or not, it is what I felt. Alone and afraid. And to this day I trigger that feeling easily. This was a child story that gets re-enacted as an adult at times, even from imagined rejection.
MY PARENTS’ PERSPECTIVE MIGHT BE LIKE THIS . . . .
If I were my mother I might say, “Honey, I did tell you how close by we were and what to do if it thundered.”
In truth, the field was not miles away as I imagined. She knew exactly where we were and how relatively safe it was. The water was very shallow. And the fact that my parents arrived before we actually got to the shelter indicates they were close by and watching the skies!
Also, I had cared for my younger siblings since they were born and so I was already an undershepherd. She did know the terrain and she did know her children. I was dependable and my sister, though young, was unusually perceptive and my brothers also were almost always cooperative.
My parents were quite good at shepherding as far as the first two principles of shepherding, “knowing the terrain and knowing the child.” They did not so much believe in the “know yourself” principle for personal growth. They had been raised to be responsible and private and had no time nor energy for much self-reflection. But it is a helpful to understand your own history and how it affects your personal triggers for anger or shaming or punishing as a parent shepherd.
Fortunately, they had taught us well about God’s love. And I did discover the Good Shepherd knew my fear and was with me at all times and my parents were not far behind that day.
As a mom, I have made many mistakes and misjudgments. I can only imagine the stories my children could tell! They are certainly full of stories and of course their perceptions and experiences affect their lives today. As younger adults and parents themselves, they too enjoy new perspectives on their parenting journeys. They are very forgiving of me! I am a thankful mother and blessed “older”grandmother too. My perspective is being enriched daily by them. Our young learn from us and we learn from them. Oh, the circle of life! It is good.
I am gratefully enjoying the journey through years of memories, shifts in perceptions of myself and God (for the better) and shifts in perspectives on life.
Finally, I learn much from my children and their children about what it takes to shepherd and shelter our children well. I am sure the same is for you. May it be so.
SUMMARY:
We only need one small and Gentle Perspective-Shift ( inner GPS) to start a landslide of Goodness and Love! It may sound clunky, but it works for me. Gentle does not mean weak. It implies quiet strength and compassion. So together here at TSJ, may we often have landslides of Goodness that only can come from The Good Shepherd’s Presence here.
Thank you one and all for your warm texts and emails. Feel free to set up a phone consult and I will honor your perceptions and your evolving perspectives first and foremost.
Hoping you are playing in the pastures of life. Solomon would love hearing that! Me too.
Margie
