High-Fives to TSJ Friends and Family!
In other words warm greetings on this warm Wednesday evening. Our little three year old grandson has been learning to greet people with giving them “high-fives.” It sets a real positive tone each time and makes us feel lighter and happier with his ‘high-fives” and big smile, no matter what is going on inside our own life or spirit at the time.
It makes me ponder : What tone do we set when we meet people?
But today’s topic is about learning about the power of listening. Especially deep, courageous listening.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Have you ever thought about listening as being an act of courage?
Recently I have been repeatedly nudged to ponder and practice the power of deep listening. It is challenging!
Have you ever noticed once you become aware of something it seems to show up everywhere? The topic of listening has shown up for me in the meditation I will share with you today, but also in several books and podcasts recently. It seems like I am “being spoken to!”
COURAGEOUS LISTENING:
Recently I read about Valarie Kauer (writer and activist), in Father Richard Rohr’s daily meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (7/26/22). I have since ordered Valarie’s book: No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love and eagerly await its arrival.
But what I have read already is changing how I try to approach listening — especially in difficult situations. So I want to share that much with you.
“Deep listening is an act of courage. We risk being changed by what we hear.” (Valarie Kaur)
She explains that listening to people whose opinions and beliefs are vastly different from our own “can be complicated and take an emotional toll on us….” She then explains carefully “it turns out it is extremely difficult to draw close to someone you find absolutely abhorrent.”
How do you listen in those difficult situations?
Like Valarie describes, “an invisible wall forms between us and them that seems impossible to cross.”
“The goal of listening is not to feel empathy for our opponent or to validate their ideas or even to change their mind at the moment.” (Valarie)
Wow! That made me take notice – especially on the “not to feel empathy” part.
So . . . I practiced courageous reading (which can be another form of listening) to find out what really is the goal?.
THE GOAL OF LISTENING
VALARIE STATED . . . “Our goal of listening is to understand them. When listening gets hard hard I focus on taking a breath, pay attention to my body….feel the ground beneath my feet. Am I safe? If so, I stay and slow my breath again, quiet my mind and release the pressure that pushes me to defend my position.”
THEN WHAT? . . .
Valarie says, “I think of an earnest question and try to stay curious.”
CONCLUSION;
I have been practicing on improving my listening skills, mostly with people I love. This is relatively uncomplicated. However it is not always easy. It is hard to stay fully present (in mind as well as body) to that person and not be planning my own response or get distracted by other things.
But this idea of COURAGEOUS LISTENING has touched my heart.
Valarie’s description of how being present in difficult listening situations can be complicated and emotionally draining was helpful for me. It was helpful to think of the goal when you are listening to an opponent is to understand them, not to change them at that moment and that it takes courage to allow ourselves to take the risk of being changed by what we hear. It is fairly easy to listen to others of like mind but it takes courage to listen when the person is from a whole different mind. Staying earnest in understanding them and open to being curious is difficult. All of this takes practice.
I hope this is as helpful of a reminder for you as it is being for me. Will you join me in embracing the power of courageous listening? Solomon says the world is full of people who want to be listened to.
With love and gratitude for life’s shared journey!
Margie and Solomon
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